Thursday, 30 April 2009

Purple Reigns, Purple Reigns!

Now THAT'S weird. Whilst you were focusing your C.O.N.C. despair beam on purple I was at To'Sho looking for that bra, trying it on, absolutely hating it and then busying myself by buying other stuff that I don't need. And lo! Would you believe it? In only went and got myself a bloody purple cardie didn't I? IIIIIII KNOW! Oddness! It is this one just on my left in fact.

It is more sort of bluey purple than the picture suggests. It's niiiice! I also bought a skirt that has bits of purple in it along with a helpful and reassuring dose of white and black. It is a mini. I shall only wear it with an opaque or they'll be trouble with The Head let me tell you! I had to return a slouchy tux jacket back to H&M you see so I had some refunded birthday money to play with again. The jacket had to go back because the arm had started to fall off after two wears which would usually have really annoyed me but by half way through that second wear I had realised that it was a bit Stella McCartney and did me no favours. And whilst I was searching for something to possibly exchange it for I felt so crashingly bored by myself and my addiction to always wearing black that I decided to properly branch out in to colour. So you see, it all worked out beautifully in the end didn't it?

There is no image of the skirt on the website, but that is probably fortuitous because we are rather looking like Cute Or Not Cute sponsored by Phillip Green today thanks to my posts aren't we? I was going to slap a photo of him here, but let's have Purple Rain era Prince instead. (I have always fancied him a bit. Keep that it to yourself though babes, yeah?)

Now. I hope my purple won't offend you. I must say though that the colour in your post would actually look heavenly on Mummy HT. She is freckly, sparkly of eye and pink of cheek and those colours which would wash most of us out really suit her complexion. She frequently reminds us Twynhams that she is a Classic English Rose and an Area of Outstanding Beauty. But there aren't many that could get away with it. I adore the fact that you have torn in to an outfit which is worn by an anteater though darling. I know that all mammals should have standards. And it does nothing for her fur. But she is an anteater. All be it one with a ticket to ride in a shopping basket by the looks of it.

(Prince image via Reels and Rockets)

Purple Prose

(Image via the Telegraph)

I mean really, how difficult is it to know when a colour suits you and when it doesn't? Sure, we all have our moments when we think we can wear chartreuse, or you and your acid yellow. But we have to eventually admit defeat, throw our hands up in the air and proclaim that we would rather not look like a pretty cadaver for the sake of the shade du jour. This precise shade of purple is ghastly, no one could carry it off.
While the bracelet sleeve has its charms they are negated by the excess fabric around the neck. And is that a faux zebra print jacket? Don't even get me started on that. I just give up. Honestly.

I Want Drama

(Image via People)

I agree, Lauren is a bit meh, you know pretty, nice clothes, but not particularly inspiring. But I love the colour of her dress. And she looks cute here too. Not on fire with enthusiasm though.
Give me more crazy fashion divas any day of the week. Anna Piaggi anyone?!

That's better!

Barton Fink

So you posted about Mischa at the Baftas...and now I have found another image where I think she looks totally cute. Who have thunk it?
(Image via She's In Fashion)
I also spotted a pic of Lauren Conrad looking uber pretty. (I don't actually usually 'get' her fashion wise. I mean, yeah Add Imageshe looks nice 99% of the time, but she doesn't scream sylista at me like, say, Anna...)
(Image via Fashion Grunge)

Hello Anna! Why so coy? What's that? I can't hear you through that feather were nervous about looking at Mischa's potentially offensive get up? You needn't have been! It all seems to be OK for the time being on the Barton Front. And now back to Lauren! I think she looks divine. Her belt is the actual same colour as her tan but so what? Bravo girls!

(Image via She's In Fashion)

I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper

I want to see you in that playsuit RIGHT NOW!! That is the coolest thing I ever saw!

Now, on to serious business. The shoes. OK, so definitely quite Gaga-esque, but you know me, I couldn't think that was a bad thing if I tried. I love the heel. But the rest of the shoe looks like something a good time girl turned gunslinger might wear in a future version of the wild west. I could almost picture a spur on the back of there. And I am not totally sure about the colour. But they are fierce!

I love the bikini top, it is delightful. The colour and the cut are a dream.

The green top is beautiful. The colour is charming, and I like the thought of you in it. The shape is the kind of thing that would have people offering me a seat on the tube, but I think you would rock it.

(Image via Justin de Villeneuve)

As to Barbara? You are quite right, she is a legend. And I think I will probably just accidentally overlook the To'sho' collection. I'm cool with that.


(Image via My Deco)

I have just been looking at To' to see what gives with the Hulanicki collection. (Fairly underwhelming since you ask...but I think the woman is fabulosity itself so I shan't say a bad word about it). And I love saying her name. Hulanicki, HulanICKI. Look at her above. Just like, leaning in a stylish way. Nice one Barbara!
Anyway. I didn't really love that stuff but I do love THIS!

I am so getting that. Tout de suite! And it's green. Holy crapola! I can't even remember the last time I wore green. I think I was also in a brown woolly tight and pretending to be a tree at the time, with leaves stapled to my Pa's moss green M&S crew neck and my arms at right angles. Which reminds me, did I tell you about the time that I decided very last minute that I wanted to go to my Brownies Halloween party in fancy dress? My Mother first of all told me off for my indecisiveness and then decided to teach me a lesson by breaking out the first aid box, wrapping me head to foot in bandages and making me in to a MUMMY. I swear to God, going to the loo was the stuff of NIGHTMARES which I was vaguely reminded of in that jump suit on Saturday...but I digress. I love it. And I also love this:

which is coming home with me tonight after all that talk of ruched bikini's yesterday.

I also think I love these. Hahhaha. SERIOUS! I'm a bit worried that I have started to think that I am Lady Gaga. Have I? Are they wrong? Well, yes they are I can work that out for myself, but are they wrong in a bad way?

I promise I won't team them with this little baby.

Now THAT'S a playsuit.

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

She Kissed a Girl

Yes, I can't quite imagine who would have signed off on our Linds being a good spokesperson for a faux bronzing product. You can barely move for pics of her with an orange face and regular colour elsewhere, or just out and out neon.

(Image via Lohan Online)

At least she doesn't look like this though. What is going on there do you suppose?

(Image via Not So Humble Opinion)

I am mostly just a bit put out that she is no longer delighting in a spot of sapphic love. I liked lesbiana Linds. She was a nice weight, a nice colour and a nice state of not crashing her car while drunk and/or high. I do hope she isn't going to go back to that and then start sleeping with douche bags like Calum Best again.

Woaaaah there Lindsay!

Oh good GRIEF! I bloody love it! LiLo is launching her own range of tanning products. Man alive. First it was the leggings:

(Image via Gurl About Town)
and now it's tan in a can. Now you know me. If I'm not an unnatural shade of burnt umber I don't feel...quite myself. And I often have camouflaged knuckles. If I were dropped in to a pile of saffron strands I would be hidden from view for at least, like 2-3 days (depending on which brand was on special at Superdrug that week.)

I'm fond of Lindsay. I even watched Mean Girls all the way through (that's two films in two days, I'm like a C.O.N.Cing Barry Norman here!) But because just she's down with the wosit tinge I don't think she makes the best ambassador for a range.
(Image via Daily Mail)
I hope they mentioned blending to her at the marketing briefing. And the importance of exfoliation and moisturisation. And that feet and ankles need love too.

Peggy Sue

(Image via Pop Sugar)

Darling it's just like me and the peg/harem pant. Sometimes we just need to try these problematical items to give them one last go. If only to confirm that we need to give them up.
Damn it.

Skin Deep

(Image via Net a Porter)
Why are there certain items that you can never let go no matter how much you know they are never going to suit you? One of those items for me is the skinny jean. I have hips and a bum and thighs, the skinny jean is not my friend. I know it isn't. I know it calls me rude names behind my back. I know it spreads gossip about what I got up to at the Christmas party. But to my face it is all sweetness and light. It denies having done anything wrong and asks me to give it another chance.
I thought I was over it. I thought I was bigger than that. That I knew that hanging out with the skinny jean wasn't going to make me look cooler than I really am. But over the last couple of days I have heard its call again. "Go on, maybe you remember me wrongly, maybe I do really suit you. Go on, give me another go. What's the worse that could happen?" I particularly heard it today from a pair that were wrapped around the legs of a delightful young thing with a fierce glad.
I should just be strong and ignore it, though, shouldn't I? As you have mentioned previously I don't even wear denim. Not really. Why is it so hard to just let them go, admit that while we might coexist in the world that we don't necessarily need to be joined at the hip, that they are always destined to be mean to me? WHY??!

Goldie Looking Dame

Would you Adam and Eve it? I love Overboard too! It was on tv recently, one Sunday afternoon, and instead of doing sensible things like laundry and balancing my cheque book I sat and watched the whole thing. Minus the first part where she is rich and mean, so I had clean forgotten the AWESOME epaulettes outfit.
I applaud your vision of being on holiday. Why not go all out? As long as you wear those sunglasses. Tee, hee!!
Shall I admit something potentially embarrasing? I remember watching Bird on a Wire when it first came out on video (so I was probably about 11) and there is an outfit that Goldie wears that I remember thinking was just about the most chic thing I had ever seen.

I am not quite sure how I feel about it now...

Everybody Wants To Be ME!

When I said that I go overboard with swimwear it reminded me of the film Overboard, that I not only like, I LOVE. I have watched it time and time again! Can you believe it?
This image perfectly explains how I envisage our summer holiday situ to work for me:

Also, how great are Goldie's shoulder tassels here:
How was she to know it would be all about the shoulder again in 2009?! Damn she's good!

She also wear a rilly nice gold frock at the end but I can't find any images which is frustrating. Anyway, it's rilly nice. And I like the film. And that is all.


I am so in love with the pink swimsuit. What a shame you can't remember where it is from, you would be a poolside vixen in that get up.

And the cut out one? Lordy! You wouldn't be able to escape The Head's clutches.

I think you would look just darling in this:
However it is from Agent Provocateur, so it is possibly a little on the pricey side. The sizing would work though, they definitely cater to the more diminutively blessed.

(Images via Agent Provocateur)

I am sure you could find something frilly that would work for you. I really like the thought of you in the guise of a pin up girl with a head scarf and cat's eye shades. CUTE!!

...Had Me A Blast

Whoop whoop! Kerrina is getting summery! Mega. I like the bathing suits a LOT. I spotted this one a while ago and fell in love with it, but can't for the life of me recall which site it was from now, damn it.Add ImageI have been thinking about swimwear for a few weeks now, as I plan our (at the time of going to press, still mythical) summer holiday. I am more than happy to break out a bit of colour in abroadsville and I love a bikini so I tend to go a bit overboard when shopping before I head off. I have been wondering if those high waisted, ruffled jobs might make me look a wee bit more curvaceous as I concentrate on lying by the pool, allowing The Head to feed me iced grapes and fetch me margaritas when I click my fingers, lift a brow or give some other subtle command.

(Image via New Look)

But they don't seem to do that style in my size. Does that mean someone has decided that it wouldn't look so good because I am smaller of bosom? I would like to try for myself thank you very much New Look. Annoying! They won't sell me a ruffley bikini but they are trying to sell me this:

(Image via New Look)

Vom. It. Ous. For the love of God. I want to go and visit anyone who has bought this, make them a cup of sweet tea and ask them why they insist on punishing themselves when there are other, more flattering kaftan's to be had. Heavens!

(Image via Net a Porter)

I also like the idea of a cut away swimsuit. But Gawd! Think of the tan lines babes!

Here is another picture of a happy looking lady in summery wear. She appears to be rolling about like an animal with short legs that can't right itself when it has somehow found itself on it's back, but I think she's OK and she's just actually rolling for fun.

(Image via SFGirlbyBay)

Summer Lovin'

In my own personal reposte to my previous comment, here is something that makes me happy it is just the beginning of summer. Walking past the newly opened Michael Kors shop on Bond Street, and seeing some of these goodies:

(Images via


Ooooh! What a nice shoe! Well akshully it's not at all nice is it? It's nasty. NASTY SHOE! Don't wear it with this get up from Alexander Wang come Autumn/Winter though will you, or you'll look like some kind of kinky super hero. I say that as though it's a bad thing. It isn't necessarily but it might be Too Much for the office, you get me?

(Image via

Oddly enough, whilst you're planning for the time when you can whip out the opaques with certainty again I am getting more and more excitable about the upcoming sunnier months. Perhaps I am being overly optimistic. Summer weeks is perhaps more realistic. (I am going to make sure I cram a whole lotta look in to those weeks sweetcheeks, let me tell you.) I am especially enamoured of things in this colour at the moment:

(Image via New York Times)

It doesn't really matter so much what the thing is, as long as it's this slightly acidy yellow. The fact that were I to wear that colour I would look like a nicely dressed cadaver is beside the point. In my mind I would look AMAYZINGALINGA!

Forward Thinking

(Image via

You are going to be very angry with me. Because before we have even got into the swing of summer (reluctantly on my part, I still have days like today when I seem to be wearing mostly black) I have gone and started looking at the autumn/winter collections. And I am getting quite excited.
I will limit myself at the moment to these shoes. They are open toe, so could be worn in the warmer months. And boy, aren't they pretty! They make me feel slightly giddy.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Utterly Frilling

(Image via Mouse to Minx)

Gosh, how do we differentiate a frill from a valance? Probably the simplest way is to decide whether it is cute or not. And that dress is Cutesville, Connecticut, so they are obviously frills.

After my run in with the Luella frills, which was a tussle that I didn't win, sad to say, I think it all depends on how they lie. If they pouf out at all then it potentially becomes a little girl's first party dress. But they seem reasonably well behaved, so I think it should be fine. Plus you have slightly fewer bits that jut out at alarming angles than me, so it probably isn't even worth worrying about.

I adore the colour, although it is slightly challenging to make out the pattern, and the neckline looks sweet and perfect. It gets a big thumbs up from me. Slightly jealous that I didn't spot it first. Maybe we could both buy it and it could be our C.O.N.C. uniform. Humph, that's going too far isn't it?

Anyhoo! Report back once it has arrived. Or wear it for out next OPT. We have to have one soon, surely.

Small Fry

Today I am wearing this:
(Teeny tiny images via New Look)
Have you ever seen me in it? I don't believe you have. It is not black. It's cute, and looks nice with a studded belt, a boyfriend blazer and the (now proven waterproof) moccasin. I am amazed I own it actually, it is so not me. But it was all I had to hand when I needed to hot foot it to the Bride's Hen Party at the Mandarin Oriental. I needed something that looked vaguely suitable for afternoon tea in my wardrobe (in that it covers my tush) so it stayed. And now I rather like it akshully!

I have birthday money left so I thought I would buy this on line and take a look in case I end up liking it too. It has frills. I would like to just make it clear now that these are frills and not valances.
Or maybe they are. I will take a close look when it arrives and make a judgement call then. In theory though what do you think? I mean, just for a work thing. To chuck on on a summery morn, you know?

Picture Imperfect

I am also a fan of Miss Guinness, though probably not as much as you. You seem to have a slightly alarming crush. However I saw something recently that I didn't like that much. BBC4 had a programme about fashion photographs that have changed the world. (Possibly a slight exaggeration, but let's go with it, shall we?)

Well, one of the photograhs was by Guy Bourdin. I love his photograhs enormously. Have you seen the Madonna video for Hollywood? Where she galivants around gyrating on pieces of furniture and has far too much fun with a bright yellow telephone? Well, basically it was the most obvious rip off of his photograps and she was sued for copyright infringement.

The fact that it was a carbon copy is probably why I was so obsessed with the video, and still am.

So when Rankin tried to recreate one of Guy's photographs I was probably already concerned. It is like when they adapt a book you love and they get the casting wrong and it just destroys everything. So here is the original pic:

And here is the recreation:

In photographs I love her. She really goes there. She must have a wardrobe twice the size of my house and I have a lot of respect for that. But I just didn't really feel her. She was a bit too brittle and uninteresting. I know that I might risk you never speaking to me again for this, but I just felt a bit disappointed that I didn't love her more. And I think the photograph is a poor imitation.

So, let me get behind the armour. I like the sound of that. And I can forget that this ever happened.