Friday 30 October 2009

The Long and the Short of it

Ha! You make me laugh so much! I love that you got slightly scolded by DC. Like, dude, get with the programme, that thing is barely covering the essentials! I'm sure you are perfectly decent and all, but it doesn't surprise me in the slightest if you have mistaken a top for a dress. You are girl for whom short means just that, and then some. But don't worry, you always carry it off with aplomb.

It is an easy trap to fall into. The outfit I am wearing tomorrow night to my halloween party is actively described by those in the know at River Island as a top, but I will be wearing it as a dress. Honestly, what do they know?

I think the rule has to be, as long as you can't see the join of the thighs then its fiiiine! Particularly if it is pretending to be all decent and reserved at the top.

What made me howl the loudest, though, was that you have completely brainwashed the head into buying in wholesale to the idea that a scrap of fabric makes a perfectly reasonable dress. Although, it probably isn't beyond the realms of possibility to get a boy to agree that less is best... You know?!

Oh, and as to the "T" word... No! It would never, could never, be a tunic. You are so much better than that. Slightly risqué advertiser of an acre of toned thigh? Yes! Hell yes! Wearer of tunics? How dare you! The very suggestion. Really!

Life's too short

(Via Go Fug Yourself)

Good morning. This is the conversation I had with my lovely colleague DC yesterday when I showed her my lunch time purchases.  Exhanges actually, if we are being factually correct.  I am attempting to save, so just keep swapping things at H&M.  Swapping and swapping and swapping.  It's quite good fun akshully, even mildly addictive.)

ME: '....and I got…thing. Corsage...thing. I'll see how that goes....'
DC: 'Aaaaaha.'
ME: '....and THIS!'
DC: 'Nice sweater!'
ME; 'It’s a dress DC.'
DC: 'It's a top.'
ME: 'No? Really? I think it's a dress.'
DC: (Looking pointedly at the acreage of exposed thigh on show in current outfit and shaking head sadly.) 'No Hayley. It's a top.'

Then I had this conversation with The Head.

ME: 'Whaddya think of this?'
TH: 'Nice dress!'

DC is not a puritan. She has pink hair, a tongue stud and is generously tattooed so she has got me worried. Is The Head just used to my bottom being very very close to the hem of my outfits? Is it a long jumper? Is it a bloody tunic? Tunics are good for nothing and should only be worn by Byzantine Greeks. I would rather be wearing a jumper wrongly than a bloody tunic. Unsurprisingly I have ‘it’ on as a dress. I mean it covers my private zone so for me it's a done deal. It is also a lovely dove grey and knitted and high necked so demure in all other ways. If I make it to the end of the day without being arrested or accosted I'm in the right.

And whilst I'm here, the headband worked beautifully. I love it. I even went to bed in it last night like an infant. It shall henceforth be referred to as My Head Corsage. Thank you.

Thursday 29 October 2009

Swede Stuff

IT'S MY BORN TO REIGN T-SHIRT!  On a fashionable Swede! I am officially cool (by association).


And the Band Played On

I am finding the thin plaited head band so utterly, utterly tedious I can barely stand it. Why does every young girl seem to think that by bunging one of those on their heads that it instantly suggests that they are kooky and have some vestige of personality? All it actually does is make your hair look a mess and leaves you with an unsightly mark on your forehead.

I think a much thicker band worn low like that, however, might have something to say for itself. I mean, man alive, that girl looks astounding. I love her whole outfit and her hair and her pretty, pretty face. Swoon!

I'm all for you giving it a go, but can I reserve ultimate judgement until I see you in it? Although, in all honesty, I think it is mostly about attitude, so I'm sure you can pull it off.

Talking of the hideous thin hair band...

...that isn't fair, is it? Poor Stacey. I assume she is the one who talks too fast that you mentioned. I have to say that I love her (headpiece excepted). And I'll tell you why.

She freaked out about not having done her nails in front of Whitney Houston.

And another thing:
On being dissed by Mr. Cowell she shrugged her shoulders and in her funny little way said "Oh well, can't please 'em all!"

I love her, I tells ya. Let's just kidnap whoever it is who is styling her and all will be well.

Hothouse Flower

I bought a headband with a flower on it at lunch. It's like, a strap with a little corasagey thing on it. I love it. And I keep seeing beautiful Swedes wearing similar things which make feel almost tamtrumy.  And ladies who are 30 should - for the most part - be above tantrums.

The question is it's fine on her yeah, but will it make me look like....well, a tit basically? Answers in the usual format please.

On Point

I have that black frock on that I had on last week when I saw you.  I have washed it and the skirt is even more pouffy now. 

I look like a bloody goth ballerina.

Wednesday 28 October 2009

Guinness Is Good For You

More to the point, why is Daffers holding her top together with pegs?

Did you know she has launched a perfume?  Does EVERYONE have their own fragrance apart from us?

X Marks the Spot

Listen, I am so stressed out about X Factor right now.  No one likes Danyl despite him being the best God damn singer in the competition...two hobgoblin twins are being kept in to commit more crimes aginst music, fact humanity on a weekly basis and one of the girls speaks so fast youcan'tlikevertellwhatshe'ssayingandidon'tknowifit'scharmingorwellannoyinginnit.  I don't know WHAT to think anymore.  I saw X Factor as a nice llittle hobby I could take up duing the Autumn/Winter months and now I'm hooked and have had to cancel plans for Saturady and Sunday evenings until late December so I don't miss the live shows. 

I was sad that Kandy rain had gone because I liked them man, but then Miss Frank went on Sunday and they had given thier best performance to date so you just never know with these things.  God.  I'm spent.  I am literally FRETTING about what might happen on Saturday.

Tuesday 27 October 2009

Ricci Pickings

You know those Nina Ricci shoes that were just so ridiculous that no one was ever going to attempt to wear them?


Well, I think here is the proof that it should have stayed that way.

God bless Daphne Guinness for trying, but seriously, if she can't pull them off surely they are entirely beyond redemption.

Moore! Moore! Moore! How Do You Like it? How Do You Like it?

Gosh, did you know that Andrea True who first made that song famous was a porn star? I guess this picture would hint at something a little untoward, but it's news to me...

(Image via Go Fug Yourself)

But what I actually want to say is how utterly fabulous Julianne Moore looks here. So simple yet flattering, fashionable (I covet those boots)and f... f... erm, fyouthful it is.

Monday 26 October 2009

Sheer and Present Danger

I can't confess to having particularly strong feelings about Kandy Rain, I don't watch X Factor so didn't even see them perform. But I have to say I have a soft spot for a group of strippers wanting to become famous singers. It's like Pretty Woman 2.0.

(Image via News of the World)

But I do feel for them re. the whole slutty dressing furore.

Coz, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the top that the girl second from the right is wearing remind you of something?

Yeah! I kinda thought so too...

Maybe I'm just bitter because I thought, naively possibly, that even though I will hate the song, I bet she will rock out some super hot high fashion looks in her video. Instead I got this...

And this...

Not cute, right?

She kind of made up for it with this one, though, I'll give her that.

Mia Moore

Well, that was short and sweet! But thanks for your advice, it has now been bought. Always slightly nerve racking when you buy something online when you haven't bought from them before. Will it fit? Will it fit? But hopefully with all this damn gym bashing I will be able to squeeze myself into a 14.

On another note, I have come to a conclusion about Halloween:

Perfect, no? I have spotted a white dress from River Island which is quite night dressy but also sexy, then I just have to stuff a pillow down the front and job's a good un'! Horror themed and cute hair... what are the odds?!

Just have to go home now and fashion a knife out of cardboard and aluminium foil...


Love it!  Get it.

That is all.

Shake Your Tail Feather

Really, what ever will they come up with next? And French Connection too? I really thought they were beyond such nonsense. And probably charging an exhorbitant sum to top it all off. (Bluster, bluster, righteous indignation, Daily Mail, etc.)

OK, so the feather skirt was a bit of a debacle. It fit so badly I just wanted to die. And even as I was trying it on the feathers were flying off left right and centre. So, on to plan B...

I am still very sold on the idea of a statement skirt with a jacket and sky scraper heels for a bit of a nonchalant/rockin', snarlin' Christmas outfit.

What do you think of this?

(Image via La Redoute)

Although it featured in Grazia, so they will probably all be sold out in about ten minutes so your opinion might be academic.

Friday 23 October 2009

A Sight For Sore Eyes

Exhibit A)

Exhibit B)

Do they serioulsy expect to sell that?  Shouldn't someone tell French Connection that there's a recession on and they need to you know, try.

Too Much On Your Plate

Boobs on a plate honey.  A tacky, sparkly, wanton plate at that.

Thursday 22 October 2009

All That Jazz

(Image via French Connection)

Is this dress terrifically wanton and sexy and louche and debauched and suggestive of a hedonistic life lived in smoky Parisian jazz cafes spent singing huskily while draped over a piano, a gardenia ensconced behind one ear?

Or is it the Vegas version of that? You know, boobs on a plate with too much spangle?

Leap of Faith

Dude, you are not Lady Gaga...

... or Amy Winehouse.

Am I the only one who just doesn't get Paloma Faith?

Wednesday 21 October 2009

Birds Of A Feather

(Via Zara)

Oddly enough I was just discussing my tactics for avoiding this year's Christmas Party with a colleague.   I bloody loathe them.  I usually turn up for half an hour fling myself about a bit so I get seen by the masses and then exit quietly and run home.

I might be more inclined to go if I were wearing that though.  It's aces!  Topshop did a sort of shrug/wrap thing in that same material last year and oh my GOD I loved it.  I left a bit of a greasy smudge mark on one arm actually after regularly heading to Topshop at lunch times to pet it last.  I have my eye on the one above from Zara.  I expect you wil leave feathery strands behind you like a tufty gingerbread trail in something like this but at least that will make you easy to locate in bars etc.

(Via Asos)

I also LOVE this bag.  Not to wear with the skirt though.  Hell!  I ain't Big Bird sister!

OH!  I just reaslied I hadn't answered the question!  Usless girl.  Yes chunky chunk jewels and a boyfriend blazer I think rather than a keep it louche.  Maybe with a white t-shirt underneath?  Oooh I've even convinced myself! I want it too now!

Skirting the Issue

(Image via Polyvore)

It is less than two months away, so obviously it is high time I started giving some serious thought as to what I am going to wear to my work Christmas party.

I am thinking about a nude coloured feathered skirt. This one is from Topshop (who have changed their website so that you can't download their pics, by the way, ya boo sucks to them), but there is actually a cuter one from River Island.

(Image via Asos)

With either a fitted tux jacket or a long boyfriend blazer, black opaques, possibly the librarians and some agressive chunky black jewellery.

Thoughts? (The dress code for the party is party casual. Bleurgh! Isn't that wretched?)

Saved by the Bell

I think I have probably admitted to you my guilty pleasure of America's Next Top Model. I really do love it. I know it is trashy and wrong and that no one who is on it is ever going to be a supermodel. But I say pish! These are mere trivialities.

On the series that is currently running there is a young lady called Celia. She has the best damn style of anyone who has ever been on one of these shows. Dude, I'm telling you, the girl knows her stuff.

There has been some controversy because she told Miss Tyra that some other girl was having doubts about her being there, was then admonished, told that was the most "un-beautiful" thing that had ever happened on the show (I think the judges must not have been watching all the other bits that happen on shoots and at their model house, but anyhoo)and saved in part because she has really awesome style. Which as I have just mentioned, she does.

She was wearing this skirt. It is a real bell shape, jutting right out. I want one real bad, but shorter. You know, mid thigh but really full.

Have you seen such a thing on your travels?

Keep Your Hair On


She added a belt.  And she has hoiked abouve the knee.  And she has stolen my hair do that isn't a hair do.  It's a slept in unbrushed, sunbleached mess.  And it looks nicer on her.  Damn it!

Tuesday 20 October 2009

A Cat in Hell's Chance

(Image via Office)

Vagina boots? What does that even mean? If you wear them you have a vagina? Or will show all and sundry your vagina? Or they're made out of... ok, I'll stop there. That is gross.

You know there are certain items that people who aren't in to fashion (most of them having willies) just don't get.

I guess over-the-knee boots are one of those things. Doesn't make them wrong, though.

The majority of girls I have seen wearing them have been doing so with considerable style and panache and haven't once made me think about whoring (unlike the girl on Snaresbrook platform this morning in her wetlook leggings and stripper shoes) or vaginas.

Let us focus our minds on something really heinous... thank you Irregular Choice. Aren't they the ugliest damn boots you ever saw?

The Vagina Monologues

(Via Go Fug Yourself)

I read in The Standard last night that over the knee boots have been re-christened Vagina Boots. 

I am horrified.  Is this true?  I really, really don't want a pair now.

Bella Bella!

I spent a very jolly few hours at my pal J's on Sunday indulging in a bit of afternoon tea.  Well, I say that.  I mostly indulged in pink Processo (it's called Rosecco!  You've gotta love that.  I felt really klassy when I bought a bottle at Waterloo M&S and shoved it in my handbag before rushing on to the tube I can tell you...I clunked all the way down the escalators like a stylish wino).


It was nice and I wore my new bewelled pumps which are from Next so I have kept them a secret from you.  They are both glitzy and leopard print.  I mean, I'm beside myself about them I really am.  It has taken almost all my might to keep them a secret. Anyway it all reminded me of this sweter that Kate Moss wore when tea-ing years ago.  I coveted it!  I like to mix things up from the usual black by sometimes slipping in to a navy and I wanted one.  It's so expensive though.  It's only a sweater for heaven's sake.  Now Bella Freud has brought out a new design to even things up a bit. 

And we do don't we?  Love Jane I mean!  I mean, LOOK...the short, the overly tanned leg. What's not to love?

Monday 19 October 2009

Cole Slaw

(Image via Daily Mail)

I watched a film on Saturday night. It was Muriel's Wedding. I absolutely hated it!

I'm not a fan of Lily Cole. I don't like to gaze at her that much, but I have seen a clip of that film and she looks quite amazing so I can see how you've come round to her.

But whilst we're talking about Cole, did you see Princess Cheryl last night? I mean, don't get me wrong, she looks CRAZY but still nice. How does she DO that?

At the Cole Face

I know you don't really care about films, but I just had to share...

I went to the The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus yesterday (which I loved, by the way) and have developed an utter obsession with Lily Cole. She was just so awfully good and pretty in it.

I confess I have always found her just a smidge too kooky for my tastes. But now I am converted. Ob. Sess. Ion. I tell you.

Friday 16 October 2009

The Cat's Miaow

(Image via

Who, in their right mind, would want to sling this about their person?


Can someone explain this to me?