Hell for Leather

MY EYES!! Good GRIEF. That's like some resurrected Laura Ashleyesque abomination. What are they playing at?

(Image via Topshop)

Mind you I saw this on the website too. Personally I would rather not look like I have just stepped out of the Matrix. Just because Carrie Ann* and Keanu did it, doesn't mean I want to. Horror! And expensive. Pricey horror.

*Although I do have a slight girl crush on her and actually it won't surprise you to know I'm quite a fan of her PVC trousers. And the leather vests too actually. Just...not the coat.

Shock and Awful

(Image via Topshop)

I don't know if I should admit this... what with us writing a fashion blog and everything... and being superior and judgemental... because it might jeopardise our footing... but I went in to Topshop yesterday, and as far as I could surmise there was not a single thing that I would have parted with my hard earned for.

This dress is just one example of the horrors.

Have I become old? Do I need to start shopping at Boden (I have already been thinking vaguely about getting the catalogue...)? Do we need to resort to desperate measures to youthify me?

Or... is it Topshop's fault? Coz I was in River Island with an armful of things I wanted to buy but decided to wait til payday before snagging. So that must be it. It's not me. It's them. Right...?

Cheering You On

Wotcha Maid Marion! Hahaha! I really like that actually. The sleeves look like they've been tacked on as a bit of an afterthought but I think that is fault of the photographer rather then the dress. Do it!

Rather than prancing, beer wielding medieval wenches, every time I see an excessive shoulder I think of American footballers. But you're staying on the right side of epic proportion babes. Just enough shoulder volume to prove useful at rush hour and no more. If you do go bigger be warned, it will be a licence for me to be able to start wearing things like this:

and you know I'm just waiting for an excuse, so proceed with caution.

Go Medieval on Your Ass

(Image via Independent)

Gosh, I think I might kind of love this dress. What with the shoulders that would secure me at least an extra foot of space on the tube of a morning.

I am concerned, however, that I might look as though I should accessorise it with one of these...

Is it too Medieval? Would I have to change my name to Elfryth or something? Because I am quite attached to my own name. I'm not sure I could make the sacrifice.

Hold Tight

(Image via Fashion Copious)

How funny! I have always hated a sheer black tight. I don't know why, I have always just found them super trashy. You know, like the ones that Melanie Griffiths wears in Working Girl. But I have been more and more drawn to them over the last few months, and today, yes indeed this very day, I actually put some on and I love them! I even love the thought of ones with a very small polka dot.

I was thinking that I was leaning more towards the 40s lady-like thing, and I do really want to do the whole belted sophistication with a fur tippet and elbow length leather gloves and a beret, but what with my ginormous shoulder pad obsession maybe there is room to look like I am in the Addicted to Love video.

I don't get the Paris connection, but let's do it. I am all for turning the big smoke into gay Paris! How chic! Plus I'm sure Jerry would approve!

Aaaaaand back to the studio

(Image via TwitternewsTV)

I love NYC too. But just like you I do not love that neckerlace.

And in other jewellery news, I am sad to report that the fugly accessory shop off Neal Street has gone. I stood outside it (it is now a shop for fancy pants, the under garments, not men wearing spats and tilted felt trilby's) and I just sort of gazed, and felt miserable and wondered where I would buy cut price tat with which to adorn myself now? Man! Sometimes life is just so hard.

So Good They Named it Twice

You know me, I love New York. I have a great big messy crush on it.

This necklace, though...?

(Image via Asos)

Not so much.

Red Sky at Night

Shepherd's DELIGHT! I'm all for it princess. You know I love to match a nail to a lip to a toe. Today though I have black painted toes and a black frock and a black belt and black smudgy eyes (see how well I have stuck to my plan to embrace colour?) so I thought a black nail might be just a bit too Elvira for the workplace.

If you are going to tackle a red lip I would recommend a Bourjois one. Although the packaging is revolting IT is a really good lipstick. It stays on for ever and doesn't go all chalky.

So are we basing our AW09 look on the Addicted to Love video? I think we might be because I am all for a sheer black tight which I would usually turn my nose up at but now I'm really liking. Especially ones with little dots. They make me think of Paris although I do not know why.

In the Red

While perusing Oasis's website I found this picture advertising their A/W collection. Now, I know we aren't talking about that yet, strictly speaking, but I just wanted to let you know of my inspiration.

This autumn/winter I will be wearing a matching red lip and nail. Hope you're ok with that.

Bite the Bullett

Are you ever so slightly alarmed that both of us used the word reality and film references in posts that we were furiously typing away at the same time? I find it quite weird. Or sweet, like we are so in tune with each other. Or quite weird...

Anyhoo! I love Reality Bites. I have been thinking recently that I really should buy it on DVD. It makes me think of the times before Winona was a tea leaf and Ethan was a love rat. Ah, those were the days.

So, even if it is a little Reality Bites-ey I don't mind. I am very receptive to the idea of the worker boot with a prettier top half. Particularly on you as you are so mini and pretty and lovely. I think the combo would work well. I do have slight concerns about the fact that it will be the second time round. Not because I think you are thirty, more that when a trend comes around again it makes me feel like Methuselah. You know, like someone from the old testament who is totally out of touch with "the youth of today". There isn't much that is more damaging to a delicate vanity than to see people half my age in the same gettup I wore at that age.

If you can get over that, and for all I know it might not even be a concern, then I say go to it. But may I have permission to not join you? Once was enough for me...

Reality Bites

Just in preparation...are short flouncy dresses and workmen's boots:

a) Too Reality Bites to contemplate

b) Fine in theory but not for ladies of 30 who already did it the first time round

Because I am going to be investing a lot of time into finding the right boot and I need it to be worth my while.

Reality Check

(Image via Topshop)

"So, this flannel thing. Is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather or are you just trying to keep warm in front of the refrigerator?"

Surely you must have seen Clueless? I love that film so much I am almost embarrassed about it. It is so eminently quotable. These check shirts make me think somewhat of that quote and also of the days when I lived in a check flannel shirt and didn't wash my hair because I was totally into Nirvana and that was just, you know, what you had to do.

(Image via Miss Selfridge)

But I think these are somewhat prettier. And now that my day to day wardrobe is considerably less exciting than it used to be I have decided to concentrate on what to wear on weekends. So, with a pair of dark skinnies and the old Converse?

Cute? Or not for the likes of me?

Action Stations

(Image via Topshop)

FINALLY!! Someone has combined a metallic trainer with a white hooker shoe. At last I know what true happiness feels like. Why did this moment have to take so long? Call off the search! The perfect shoe has been found.

(Please make note that these sentences are positively dripping with sarcasm, just in case there was any doubt.)

September Issues

1st September it is. That will also be the date that I start deliberating over this

and
this boot.

So now we all have something to look forward to. (Images via Topshop)

Winter's (Not Quite) Closing In

(Image via Look Book)

After my rant I have been a little scared of mentioning the autumn/winter collections for fear of appearing like a big fat hypocrite.

But I am concerned that I only have a limited amount of restraint left in me. Can we decide on when would be a reasonable time to start discussing them at length?

I would like to propose the 1st of September. Do you concur?

Mad as a Box of Cheetahs

(Image via Net a Porter)

I know it is only August, but I read something recently that said that most of the good winter coats are bought in August (admittedly it was probably written by a retailer to enduce a shop-bound panic - guess who's fallen for that. Fool!)

So anyway, I thought "What the hay, I'll look at Net a Porter." Well, actually I looked at To'sho' first but there really wasn't anything of merit there in the coat department. So while I was on Net a Porter I was surprised to find that at the bottom of the first of two pages of coats we were already into the thousands. So I questioned how much would the most expensive coat be. You know, just for larks. Don't tell me I don't know how to have fun.

And do you know what I found? Well, you probably do. The clue is probably as clear as the nose on your face. Isn't it? So, yes, you are quite right, it was the calf-hair cheetah-print Michael Kors balmacaan (a loose single-breasted overcoat, apparently) that you see above. And the cost?

£11,695.

I kid you not.

Recession? What recession?

It's not even cute.

All That Glitters

Ooooh shiny!

(Image via Topshop)

Elle mailed me this earlier in the week. I am hoping she buys it so that it can come to my house for holidays.

(Image via Grance Dore)

I am interested in a sequin trouser. I know! I don't know what's come over me either. I don't think it would be a good idea in the real, but in my mind's eye I look lovely in them.

Rise and Shine

(Image via Elle UK)

I think you might be wielding your powerful influence over me, because despite not being a sequin kinda girl I am coveting this jacket like you wouldn't believe.

Ick

Those shoes make me feel oh so dirty. And not in a good way. I might need to bathe and scrub myself thoroughly. WTF??

And apropos of nothing more than bathing, here is a fabulous Lego picture. Awesome!


Phew! That almost makes me feel normal again.

Down the Tube

It is very Westwoodian isn't it? I think it's horrible. I don't like an overly feminised suit. I thinks it's all a bit Dita Von Teese (tell me I'm not the only person who wishes the woman would just sling on a t shirt every now and then and relax. I'm sure that being that trussed is ageing, for real!). And you're right the fabric is hid. It reminds me of something TFL might use for seats. Now, I hit you up with a fact last week and now here's another...TFL have a special name for their seat fabric and that word is 'Moquette'. Seriously, I didn't even know I KNEW so many facts. I might have a book in me! And there I was thinking it was going to be a lenthgy and sequal friendly tome, and instead if I pen anything it will carry inanities such as this. Gah!

Weirdly, I found these Westwood shoes covered in a bit of tatty old m m m moquette that has held possibly millions of bottoms, breathed in too many farts to mention and been sullied in other unmentionable and revolting ways. Nothing better than use it to cover a perfectly reasonable shoe!

(All images via Pretty Portobello)

HO! And there are more. There is a company called Above and Below who make these utterly revolting trainers using fabric from bus and tube seats. Is there no end to this? I'm all for a bit of eco chic but when would this ever seem like an appealing idea?

Follow Suit

(Image via Glamour)

Is it Vivienne Westwood or is it Warehouse? Well, yes, it is Warehouse, but I think it is quite a good likeness. Might fool a few. You know, if they are slightly short sighted or have had a few beverinos.

I particularly like the shape and fit of the jacket. That really hits the Viv spot.

The pattern, however, is not quite right, is it? I think I might look as if I worked at a hotel reception and had made my suit out of corporate deck chair material. (If there isn't such a thing, there should be.)

Close, but no cigar. Right?

Zip It!

Yes and yes. But that doesn't make it wrong.

I used to be opposed to an exposed zip, but, fickle creature that I am now quite a fan.

Keep it Zipped

(Image via Handbag.com)

Is a full length zip up the front of a dress too suggestive/potentially perilous for work?

Pardon My French

I'm Charlotte all the way. Only because a) I have seen one of her films and I didn't hate it and b) I think her hair is nicer.

However. Really, it's all about Jane. Isn't it though?

(There are so many pictures of Jane Birkin carrying this God awful bloody basket. I'm sure that IT was the reason that Jean Luis Dumas stepped in and made her her own bag. Bravo Monsieur Dumas. Merci for sparing us.)

Beg the Question

I feel that there is something major that is going unsaid between us. And I fear the repercussions if we don't have this incredibly important matter out...

When it comes to Jane Birkin's offspring do you prefer Lou Doillon or Charlotte Gainsbourg?

Charlotte?

Or Lou?

Me?

I'm Charlotte all the way.