Monday, 15 December 2008

Sweep me off my feet

Dearest heart, what do you think of these little beauties? I am thinking for South Africa. Of course, I don't need them, but they are awfully pretty, no?

Large as life and twice as ugly

All I can utter is, quite!

Nuff said.

Red herring

You are, of course, quite right about the red soled shoes. Surely when something is so much a part of a brand you would have to be a fool to tout your tat, relatively speaking, with such an instantly recognisable defining feature. It saddens me that Mr. Louboutin has been made so bereft by the theft of his sole.

Do you think people buy these shoes in an attempt to fool people that they are more affluent than they really are? Because when they are paired with a Topshop dress on a young pup, is anyone fooled?

It reminds me of people carry designer bags when the rest of their outfit is so decidedly mundane in comparison. I saw one such example yesterday, a woman with a quilted Miu Miu bag worn with a burgundy quilted nylon jacket. I ASK YOU! WTF?!

If your bag is real it begs the question, why are you cheapening it with horrible clothes or have you bankrupt yourself to such a degree (both fiscally and intellectually) with the purchase of said bag that you can no longer afford any clothes that aren't entirely hideous? Spend your money more productively and buy some decent togs. And if it isn't real what exactly is the point of paying for a badly made knock off that isn't going to hoodwink anyone?

OK, rant over. DEEP BREATHS! And relax! Phew, I'm ok now...!

Blaze a trail

As to the blazer, I don't know if she even wore one, but it just reminds me very strongly of Rebecca de Mornay in Risky Business. And unless I'm very much mistaken she was a lady of the night, a scarlet woman, a street walker, a doxy, une fille de joie, a stumpet, a floozy, a harlot and a tart. And probably worse than that I imagine she would have worn it with nothing but a red lacy teddy underneath and pointy red leather courts. [Shudder!] And then would have seduced Tom Cruise on public transport. There is nothing appealing about that, surely.

The only way that a blazer of those dimensions looks charming is when it is an actual man's and he has draped it over your shoulders at a black tie do, to suggest that his freezing pecs are but nothing in comparison with yours.

Leopard lament

I am so traumatised by the loss of the leopard brooch. I can only imagine how you feel (although the thought of the untimely demise of the fugly necklace you bought me brought a few tears to the eyes, I have to admit) and would like to offer my condolences.

His glorious ability to tighten that jacket and fug it up at the same time was second to none. We wish him well on his journey to the disco jungle in the sky.

He will be missed.

Quite the challenge!

OK, Mrs. Rowan. That's how you want to play it, huh? Three posts at a time. Right, I've got to step up and show my mettle, I guess!

So let's start with the pantsuit.

I think it is utterly charming, as long as the crotch doesn't come up too high, know what I mean? Don't make me say the words... but here is a clue! I am totally into it as long as you enter on a white horse and mimic Bianca Jagger circa Studio 54. Or take Grace Jones as your date and snog her conspicuously all night!

When it comes to the fluffy thing, though, I am not so sure. It could be even more discolicious, or it could be a little Big Bird, no?

Or, even worse...

... it might whiff of Solange Knowles, who I never think is a particular arbiter of taste and class.

But with a gnarly jewell and your snake-like hips I think you could carry it off. And I am all too happy to be proven wrong!

Or, on reflection, styled in a 1930's way with a birds nest updo and a very dark lip, it could all be utterly darling.

Thursday, 11 December 2008

A Fug too Far

You know when I said that a jewel can never be too fug?
It appears I was wrong.

Rouge Rouging


Can we take a look at this shoe please? So, you know when we all had that thing, that 'disposable income' thing? Weren't those the days! Back then it was all about IT bags wasn't it? And then we got all poor and shizz and instead of bags we are now told to lust after shoes. I suppose because they are usually cheaper and we technically have more need for them so we can still be coaxed in to shelling out. Well anyway... so Louboutin is a King amongst shoemakers isn't he? And famous for his red soles. Well I have been spotting red soles all over the place of late. At first I thought "Jeepers! Is this drop in VAT having more of an effect on prices that I dared dream it might?" and then I woke up and realised that the red sole is just being faked all over the place. This one is from Faith, who seem to be really going for it with the red sole thing. It's not kidding anyone is it? In fact it's so horribly OBVIOUS that this shoe isn't a Louboutin, it makes me cringe. It's a perfectly reasonable shoe. But, just, no. I have been reading about how cross it has all been making Mr Louboutin this morning and whilst doing so I learnt that there is a Louboutin style MANICURE to be had. Black nails with red flashes underneath the tip. Look! I found you an image of a gin-u-wine shoe and the nail.
Let's NEVER get that done.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Pantsuit and ting

Me again

What do you think of this? I mean, yeah, I know it's a little lacklustre right now but I was thinking of it for a wedding in Spring. All zuzshed up with a little fluffy thing. Whaddya call them. You know, those THINGS made of marabou and fluff. And a nice sparkly something in my hair and a good, dramatic lip? The whole look is dependent on a lot of things isn't it? In THEORY though?

Oh oh!! Look I found the thing I meant. That pantsuit with this, and hair and no carbs or fizzy pop the week I plan to wear it?

Oh, and...

...Whilst I was looking I found this at To'Sho. Isn't it darling? I mean, it could look like you had wandered out to dinner wearing a chap's discarded suit jacket belted with your dressing gown cord but that could work, no? NO? Oh.

A jewel can NEVER be too fug.

Your post was nestling beneath Bonnie Tyler, I didn't see it until just now. And yet! How relevant it is...I shall explain momentarily. Anydiddle, I adore that ring. Get it. It's gargantuan and you shan't be able to lift you hand but frankly, who cares? I'm sure you can get a minion to lift your drinks to you lips for you, and if they misbehave beat them with the hardware.

That said, I have concerns about a fugly jewel. I worry about how they wind their merry way in to your life and make you love them, and then something awful happens and you are left bereft....Lucia, my most treasured fugalicious 'piece' has died a death. (I do so hope that one day I will be able to refer to my jewelery as 'pieces' without irony, rather than just regarding them as an amalgamated heaving and intertwined bundle of metal that sits atop my dressing table growing more and more gnarly by the day - don't you?) The bejewelled leopard karked it last Friday. He had been hanging out and pincering my suit jacket in to a le smoking wannabee for me when, I stupidly made a sudden movement and PING! off he popped along with the pin that held him in place. I am so sad. I actually sat down and gazed at him for a while, with tears brimming and then running down my cheeks like Princess Cheryl's off of the telly. I am going to try and fix him but in the mean time nothing, NOTHING will replace him!!! So do get fuglified, but please don't get too attached.