A Walk in the Park(a)

(Via Topshop)

I bought a parka last week. I am walking to work and I figure it will be terribly practical.



But I don't want it to look practical. I want to throw it over lovely floral dresses and accessorise it with lashings of red lipstick.



In a kind of Edge of Love manner.



That will be cute, right?

It's a Sign!

You know how I mentioned heeled hiking boots? In a post called "Take a Hike"? (Razor wit, innit?) You know, below? Well, you'll never guess what happened.



I only went and blummin bought a pair from Russell & Bromley that are called Take a Hike! What are the chances?! It was destiny. They were meant to be mine.



At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Take a Hike

One or two people have questioned me recently how I can reconcile the part of me that is obsessed with fashion, and this beloved (by me at least) blog, and my high standards of fashion judgement with the part of me that likes to hike in the mountains, totally happy not washing my hair for three weeks and wearing only technical fabrics.

And to be honest, I have no response. The heart wants what the heart wants and even while a mountain climbing fashion maven might be oxymoronic, that is just the way it is and the way it will stay.

Up until this point my two great loves have remained distinct, occuring only one or other at a time. (As I mentioned, technical fabrics. And while I love them, I would not suggest that they have too much to do with style. I try my best, but really there is only so much I can do.) But then the high heeled hiking boot happened.

When I first saw them I sneered the way only someone who wears actual hiking boots could. How dare someone try and combine hiking and fashion, it just isn't done. Who do they think they are kidding? Etc. But I have seen a few pairs and I really want them. Not sure what I would wear them with, but I think they might have to be mine. Am I utterly deluded? Should the two be kept apart? Should hiking boots only be flat and heeled boots not go hiking?

Flatter to Deceive

(Via River Island)

A concept these trousers have failed to cotton on to. I give you their description:

Navy high waist slim fit pleat trouser

That is all.

When Bad Men Combine

Or, rather, when men combine badly...

I am aware that I have a lot of pet hates, to those who don't know me I must seem like a terribly angry person. And, well, they might be right. But that doesn't make my judgements any less valid. There are just a lot of bad things in the world that deserve my wrath.

Like a man wearing jeans and smart leather shoes. This has been a pet hate of mine for as long as I can remember. Men out at night with jeans, short sleeved shirts and leather dress shoes. And in recent years in the corporate environment it seems to be a favourite look for dress down Fridays. It's smart! No, it's casual! No, it's smart. Etc., etc.

But then I saw this picture:


(Via Go Fug Yourself)

And while this should make my breakfast feel uncertain in my stomach, I actually adore it. Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger have to be my favourite sleb couple, particularly sartorially speaking. He looks amazing, and the thing I like the best is the jeans/shoes combo. It rocks.

Then I saw this picture of Joseph Gordon-Levitt



and I liked the cut of his jib.

So maybe a girl can change. Maybe a girl can have slightly less hate in her heart.

Maybe a girl could forgive a pair of strangler's leather gloves if combined with a nicely fitted jean and a pair of leather chaussures.



Well, maybe not.

Cape Fear

(Via Toast)

So, you know I have been lusting after a cape? Well, my desire took a bit of a cold shower the other day. In Clapham (a place that seems an utterly incongrous location for my First Cape Spotting) I saw a girl wearing a huge navy cape, like a traditional nurse's cape. It went to the floor, and the poor thing was drowning in it. The only excuse for this that I could surmise was that she was actually certifiable. Or indeed certified and had stolen the ward matron's cape as she escaped the confines of a secure unit.

I'm still optimistic that this is a trend that I will want to, ahem, commit myself to. I am waiting with bated breath for the proof and will just put this disturbing experience behind me.

Let the Cat Out of the Bag

This is going to be a bag post. It is going to be made up of various bag-based anecdotes. Just to let you know...

Bag-based anecdote #1:

My lovely brown leather Russell & Bromley bag, you know, potentially-the-best-bag-ever-made? It broke. A very small metal pin has given way after many years of hard labour and so the leather handle is no longer attached to the rest of the bag. This makes it somewhat difficult to hang over my shoulder. And my heart bleeds.

Bag-based anecdote #2:

My lovely cotton Alphabet Bags cotton tote (with, imaginatively, an 'L' on it) is not taking the strain particularly well. It is mostly good for looking pretty while not overly stuffed but is now fraying wildly with the added pressure.

Bag-based anecdote #3:

I am working part time and don't have the sufficient funds to fritter away on a new baggage.

Bag-based anecdote #4:

My brand new housemate, of about two days, gave me two handbags last night. She was having a clear out and was going to throw them away. It was an extremely fortuitous event.

Bag-based anecdote #5:

Despite this extremely valid excuse to put aside my thoughts of buying a new handbag, as the necessity has been somewhat diminished, I saw this


(Via Net a Porter)

which is Marc by Marc Jacobs, and has teased my lust receptors into wanting it for my own. Annoyingly it is also painfully close to demanding a reasonable number of readies, which makes it so much harder to ignore.

And this



a Mulberry Bayswater, a bag that has never called my name Siren-like and with infinite allure. But now that it has a subtle leopard print? Oh yes! I want it bad! (Oops, I accidentally typed "I want it bag". How very apropos!) But it is less of a bargain and so poses little risk to my bank balance, just my heart.

Sigh!

Well anyway, there we go. Bags, huh? Can't live with 'em, can't carry all your stuff in your hands... Or something.

Square Peg in a Round Hole

(Via River Island)

I want to find a pair of slim leg trousers to wear with my Isabel Marant rip-off shoes (which are proving alarming hard to find, apparently the obvious reality that these are the shoes we all want not clompy platforms has yet to reach the ears of high street retailers. Gah!) Instead I have found these nice pegs. I thought with a brogue and a pretty, possibly floral, chiffon shirt they would do quite well for work. Except they pull ever slightly at the pleats and I would have to go up a size to prevent that.

Should I just take the hint that they are not for me, or just go up a size and have done with it? Are people still wearing pegs? Are they still, you know, OK?

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

You know me, I am not a girl who is afraid of colour. But I might be afraid of camel. I once met a girl who only wore black, denim and neutrals (white, grey, camel) so that all her clothes coordinated. This disturbed me. Particularly as she was about 21 at the time. Honestly, if there is a time that requires a distinct lack of coordination then it has to be 21, wouldn't you agree?

And while I can recognise its value, it is very chic and classic, I grant you, I have never been that inclined to exhibit it about my person.

Until now.



Until Chloe.

I just think it looks so awesome. So grown up but not dowdy. Teenage girls won't be rocking camel like this.



But colouring wise I think it might just be beyond me. I am very pale, I have blonde hair, I think I might be beaten by camel.

Maybe a coat could be the way...?


(Via Style.com)

This one from Aquascutum makes me feel a bit gooey inside. Maybe it is just because of my own Aquascutum disaster (more of this later) that I am craving a replacement but a full length camel coat just seems like the very, very height. But only if it makes me appear more attractive than an actual camel.



Know what I mean?

What a Card(igan)!

Gosh. All I want is a cardigan. A plain, black, short, crew neck cardigan. With buttons. Surely a basic human right, no? But can I find one? No, I cannot.

I can find a lace inserted cardigan. A waterfall cardigan. A sequinned shrug. A military cardigan. A boyfriend cardigan. A drummer boy cardigan. A pom pom cardigan. A varsity cardigan. A Cosby cardigan (these seem to be a bit of a trend, lots about if the mood takes you...). A fallaway cardigan. A zip front cardigan. A waistcoat cardigan (?!).

Aaarrrgghhh! The list goes on and on and on.

Can no one help me?

Mind the Gap

(Via Hobbs)

I am very close to the opinion that the platform is dead. I'm sure it will have a glorious resurrection some time in the future, but for now the powers that be have condemned it to death.

It is probably no bad thing for the collective ankles of female Britain, only yesterday I saw a lady's ankle do such crazy gymnastic bending I actually stopped in the street and winced. Which I don't think made said lady feel too much better about her predicament.

Isn't it funny how a trend can be THE THING one minute and then utterly old hat the next? I was reading in Grazia yesterday that if your clothes are unfashionable (even if they are classic, expensive and fit you well) that you are perceived as being hopelessly out of touch.

And I really feel that way about the platfom (and, to a lesser extent, a rounded toe) and when I saw this pair by Hobbs yesterday, even though they appeared quite charming, the thought of sticking my hoof in a great clodhopper like this rather than an elegant pointy court is utterly abhorrent to me.

The platform is dead! Long live the lady like shoe!

This post is brought to you by the colon. As in : not the one that gets irrigated. Thank you.

Apols for the tardy response.  When I Google Imaged for Tyra Banks smizing on Friday, the picture I uploaded came complete with it's very own virus.  Tyra is therefore responsible for the complete meltdown of my PC.  Thanks Tyra, I'm not smizing right now lemme tell you.  Anyway, IT have sorted it out.  There was much sucking in of air through teeth and they had to delete my profile.  I WAS DELETED!  I took the rest of yesterday afternoon to have an existential crisis, but I'm back now.

If you turn round FASTFASTFAST when walking along the street and find you have become a Pied Piper followed by gaggles of tweeny girls it might be time to get a fringe trim doll face.  Or get yourself a t-shirt emblazoned with this helpful public service announcement:

And as for the house hunt...if the flatmates look like this:

run away.  It will only end in tears.

The Cat's Pajamas

I am beyond excited. River Island (AKA the birthplace of 98% of my clothes) has just changed its website and now you can save pictures. Yeah!

Typically there isn't much there that I want to post about. Hey ho! So instead I decided to do some shopping for you and your approaching holiday.




Right?!



You are drooling aren't you?


(Via River Island)

OK, I agree, this is grim. But I couldn't resist posting just for pure freak value.

So all in all, I am very happy that I can now post pics from my favourite shop and your holiday wardrobe is in the bag. You are quite welcome...!

Close Knit

(Via Topshop)

Can you feel it? The autumn nip in the air? I am beside myself, but I imagine you are sulking.

It makes me want to think about knitwear. And more specifically knitwear with a trad flavour, you know like a chunky cable knit. But then fitted and with metal hardware.

Comfy and slightly hardcore. Oh, I like that weird combo!

Pulling My Leg

(Via Glamour)
Rihanna's legs look like combat sausages that are in urgent need to a fork prick or two. Eek!

Bieber Fever

Have you ever had that terrible dawning feeling that you might look like Justin Bieber?



Or is that just me?

On the House

Darling, I start my house hunting on Tuesday. Please advise me on what I should wear so I make a good impression on my potential housemates. I want to appear interesting and fun but not kooky.

A dress? Jeans and a breton stripe?

Agghhhh! It's worse than dressing for a first date (boobs) or a first day at work (hide the boobs). Please help me find a home!

Smize and the World Smizes With You

God love Tyra and her smizing. Ha, ha! That woman is as mad as a satchel.

Did you see her on ANTM when she was a super heroine (Super Smize) who could destroy people with her smize? Glorious.

Let me know how Womanity smells. But please don't actually buy it or start wearing a metal headpiece. I swear I will never speak to you again.

Super Smize Me

Hhaahaha! WOMANITY!  I love that so much.  It made me smize man!

Nice flats btw.  That much money is alright as long as they don't grow like shoes of that ilk do.  Why do they grow?  Like old mens noses and ears, they just carry on and on until they're all skew whiffed.  STOP GROWING! Arrêter maintenant you little bugres!

Anyway back to Thierry...what is with that chicks mental headpiece top right?  Top left is a bit crackers too but serious - that looks HEAVY.

EDIT: GOD DAMN!  It's the same hat as the bottle is wearing.  I am SO off to Superdrug to get a whiff of that bad boy.

Flat Out

(Via Net a Porter)

I suspect I am not alone in spending considerably more money on shoes for best than shoes for every day. So while I have numerous pairs of very high heels that I teeter about in once in a while for a few hours, when it comes to a practical, smart shoe I not only have very little to show I also tend to spend very little money on them.

I suppose I should find it shocking that £180 on a pair of ponyskin six inch platform ankle boots doesn't make me raise an eyebrow yet I am horrified at the prospect of parting with more than about £50 for a flat that I will wear significantly more often.

So, finally, I have decided to address the imbalance. I have found a pair in R&B that are quite grown up without being fusty, suede rather than patent leather, because heaven knows that no grown woman actually wants to be wearing shoes that shiny, and with some serious hardware on them. They look comfortable. Like they will last more than about three months. Like a suitable shoe for a 31 year old with a proper job. And yet they are £165. And there is something just sticking in my throat about that. But the same amount for a heel so high I will only be able to comfortably wear it for about three minutes while being escorted down stairs by a burly companion a la Gwynnie and will only get an outing for a wedding and occasional party? Well, that seems entirely reasonable...

Hell Hath No Fury

Womanity?!? Is this a joke? I don't think I have come across anything in my life that would make me less inclined to buy something. Until I saw the bottle. And the advertising. Congratulations to Thierry Mugler and his marketing team for creating something so entirely undesirable. I bet it smells really bad too.

No Kneed

via Daily Mail.  Again.

I want to do it too!  I do though!  I'm not just copying, for real.!

What I don't like is a knee high sock on a grown lady.  It's bloody odd.  I find grown ladies who want to look CUTE a bit sinister to be honest.  But a thigh high is stockingish and so is a different beast all together.
A good quality knit will make it seem klassy I reckon.  Rather than spandex over the knees as sported by KP.  (Although she really does have a magnificently turned ankle, don't you think?  I bet not many people have noticed that when faced with The Boobies, but I HAVE.)

Reach for the Thigh

Generally speaking once I have undertaken a trend once in my life I find it unappealing in the extreme if it comes around again. Mostly because of age. I was young when I was foolish enough to fall for a trend and this time I will feel old as I realise that the last time it was fashionable I was the same age as all these bright young things rocking it now. And that makes me feel bad about myself.



I think the last time I wore thigh high socks I was about 15. It was probably utterly inappropriate but I loved it.



I fear it would be even more inappropriate now. At my age. However I look at these Vanessa Bruno shots and I think it could be quite lady like. Sophisticated even. And I want to try it.



But I should probably resist. Shouldn't I?


(Via Style.com)

Go On My (William)Son!

I don't trouble myself too much considering men's fashion. I am quick to admit if a man looks good and probably even quicker to criticise if he doesn't. But ask me to pinpoint what makes a dapper outfit or to advise a man on what to wear and I would find myself at a loss.

I have discovered, however, that an essential element of looking good has absolutely nothing to do with clothing or style at all. It has to do with personality. And if you behave like an arrogant, mouthy barrow boy any sartorial points you might have earned mean absolutely nothing. Particularly if the outfit you are wearing (in this case a striped blazer that wouldn't have looked out of place on a chap punting down the Cam) needs a good dash of tongue in cheek and a dollop of charm not to look incredibly pretentious.

Oh, and a word in your ear... If said blazer is Matthew Williamson for H&M it's still H&M. Not Matthew Williamson.

Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It

I am really loving Isabel Marant's A/W collection. She has been getting so much buzz as the designer that isn't showy but that women just love to wear.



And I think I see their point. The clothes aren't going to attempt to steal the woman's thunder.



They are infinitely cool but not trying too hard.



There is a little vibe of rockabilly and drag racing combined with infinite amounts of class.



And pretty dresses with just the right amount of edge. Marant girls dress the way I want to try and pull off.



But the thing I love the most? The shoes. Honestly, I can't even remember how far back it was since a pointy toed shoe was desirable and not just Slutsville, Ohio.


(Via Style.com)

But Miss Marant has achieved it. How can a pair of mid heeled, sensible courts with a pointy toe be so unerringly cool? And how can I get my hands on a pair?