True Brit

It always mystifies me that people want to get done up for the Brit Awards. They're the Brit Awards.  They are inherently rubbish.

Seriously, compare them to the Grammy's in terms of production quality and they make Britain look laughable.

So Rihanna's up to the nines outfit is fantastic but seems kind of a waste of a dress for such a night. Still loving the hair. I wasn't sure about the gloves, but on further inspection I think they are pretty marvellous.

Again, Jessie J, is this not a bit too much for the event. Although, actually, maybe it isn't quite enough. There is sheer and then there is this. I can practically make out her internal organs. And lord knows she has a great figure but I'm not sure I want to see that much of it. Better than some recent outings though, so I shan't be too mean.

Adele, you are the most celebrated woman in the music at the moment, surely, can't you liven things up just a little bit?

Kylie, loving the colour, and the bodice is great and drapey, but if it makes even you look a bit bottom heavy then I think there is something not quite right happening here.

I'm not sure about the off the shoulders but the colour is lovely. She looks great.

Still not getting Florence's schtick with the antique rags.

And she seems to have a really nasty foot condition.

I much prefer Jesse in her leggings and the colour rocks.

Emeli Sandé is incredibly smart and I like her for that. But this outfit...? It is nearly there. I would like it so much more if it was fitted at the waist and if her tights were opaque. I appreciate her going against the glam grain though.

I am really enjoying Rita Ora. I know very little about her beyond the DJ Fresh video but what I've seen I like. Including this. I love her blonde hair and red lip which is mirrored by her white dress and neon shoes peeking out.

I like the idea of Alexandra Burk's structural dress but I'm not so sure about its execution. Is it just me or does the top part look like wood?

Oh, Katie Melua, things have changed since you were on the red carpet last. Catch up, won't you? The fungus shoulder pads have got to go, then maybe the rest wouldn't be so bad.

Nicole. Versace. Sexy red carpet dressing by numbers made marginally more exciting by the colour.

Cher Lloyd's sparkly baggy jumpsuit really isn't too my taste. Because, you know, I have taste.

Paloma Faith manages to destroy a gorgeous Dolce e Gabbana dress with horrible accessories.

Victoria Justice's pleather mini dress is so trashy. And not in a good way.

Hold the phone! When did this happen? Professor Green and Millie Mackintosh a couple??? Wow, talk about unlikely.

But on to the dress - I think she is awfully pretty, and she has a great figure so by rights she should be able to carry anything off. Here the colour is great but she has managed to draw attention to how flat chested she is which I'm sure could have been avoided if the dress fitted properly.

Dame Kelly, you are amazing, you are an inspiration to women, I just don't think they should necessarily pay any attention to your fashion choices.

Caroline Flack is rocking a shorts suit. Hard. Man alive! With all these dresses she stands out a mile. I love every part of this. Particularly the clutch. Hot, hot, hot.

Lydia Bright is the only one from TOWIE who has vaguely nice clothes. This dress is a bit nightdressy but I like the detail at the top.

Holly Willabooby lives up to her name, while being curiously frumpy (and a couple of shades darker) down below.

Oh, Abby Clancy, this is not a classy look. Even with the blazer over the top.

(Images via Daily Telegraph)

So, yes, clearly I am jealous that Chloe Green gets to wear the Mary Katrantzou for Topshop dress of my dreams, but I don't think she is making the most of it with her accessories and her hair covering half of it. And seriously, what's with the 20 deniers again? Can't we just agree that it should be opaques or bare legs on the red carpet?