Caught by the Fuzz

(Image via Net a Porter)

Would someone mind explaining to me why Marc Jacobs thought that in a world rife with war, natural disasters and financial crises, a sequin and fur lurid pink cardigan was necessary? Because, quite frankly, I can think of no excuse for it.

Lame Duck

I have been well up for a bit of nail art this season, but this? At this I draw the line. They are apparently called duck feet nails. The shape is so repugnant to me, without even starting on the adornments.

All I can think about is getting one torn off or the amount of muck that would find their way up them. Shudder.

(Images via Stylist)

Dreadlock, Stock and Barrel

Dear Ross Noble, I think you're great. You make me laugh very hard. And I went to see you last year in the Isle of Man during the TT, the night I met my lovely ex Steve. So I have a special place in my heart for you.

I know that you could never be described as dapper (although you do really carry off the leather biker jacket) and that being interested in your appearance is not really your thing. I get that.

But there is one thing that my love for you just cannot endure. Your dreadlocks.

(Images via Spoonfed, Daily Mail)

And, let's be honest here, it's not just you. There is a written rule, you see. And clearly no one has been kind enough to tell you, so let me be the one to break it to you gently. Unless you are Johnny Depp in character as a fictional pirate, as a white man the dreadlock is truly, truly, a no go area.

So please, employ some people to comb those bad boys out and we need never speak of this again. Otherwise I'll be sending people round with a sharp pair of scissors and some determination, and we'll have them away one way or another.

It's for your own good. I promise.

Love Lucinda xo xo

Unitardy

Can anyone tell me in what context these hideous wet look unitards would be desirable?

Except, you know, as an instrument of torture?

I seriously don't understand what situation would ever cause you to think "awesome, I'll whip out the most unflattering item of clothing in the world to wear to Aunt Bea's bingo night/my annual public ritual humiliation".

(Images via Asos)

This girl is very slim and still looks as though she has come down with a terrible case of back fat. I don;t think I have ever encountered a more discrimanatory item of clothing. And, so that I can feel better, I will happily judge anyone I see wearing one. But I have true faith that I never ever will. Women aren't complete sadists, surely.

Does the Trick

Jeez Louise, when did Paul & Joe start making clothes for street walkers?


(Via Net a Porter)

A Lion in Winter

(Via Selfridges)

I didn't think there was an item of clothing that I could hate as much as those animal hats from River Island that I have posted about before.

But meet Mr Lion Hat.

Job done.

I'm not in a good mood today and this has done nothing to help matters.

Ugliest Items of 2009

(Image via Vogue.co.uk)

Holy mackerel! I love Alexander McQueen, but there are limits. These shoes are the most heinous, barbaric injustice in the cause of fashion that I have ever had the grave misfortune to cast my eyes upon.

Action Stations

(Image via Topshop)

FINALLY!! Someone has combined a metallic trainer with a white hooker shoe. At last I know what true happiness feels like. Why did this moment have to take so long? Call off the search! The perfect shoe has been found.

(Please make note that these sentences are positively dripping with sarcasm, just in case there was any doubt.)

Ick

Those shoes make me feel oh so dirty. And not in a good way. I might need to bathe and scrub myself thoroughly. WTF??

And apropos of nothing more than bathing, here is a fabulous Lego picture. Awesome!


Phew! That almost makes me feel normal again.

Giving The Finger

(Image via Rubber Sole Shoe Shop)

First there were crocs.

(Image via Eric Persson)

Now we have the Vibram Five Finger shoe.

Sometimes....sometimes there are just no words.