Cape Horn

I God damn LOVED wearing my tablecloth about my shoulder you know. I took quite a few champagne glasses out every time I swished through a room but you know, there were wooden floors so damage was limited to minor cuts and general dampness so that was OK. J, the B2B* was Bjork-in-the-Swan-at-the-Oscars. Magnificent.

I probability am still pining for my caplet because I only bloody won the prize for best outfit. I kept it quiet that I was actually wearing all my own normal clothes.

This is me later on in the evening apparently channelling Jordan. Too much fizz I think. It all got hazy after I accepted my prize of a six pack of Babycham. Ret. Ro. And look, despite that squishing, still no cleavage. FFS.

* For reals, this is bridal forum lingo. Hhaaha, VOMITOUS!

Your money or your life!

Gosh, I know what you mean about fancy dress. It is a bit tricky, isn't it? If it were up to me the dress code for every party would be THE PRETTIEST DRESS YOU CAN LAY YOUR HANDS ON!!!! And the boys would just have to muddle around for themselves, I'm not too concerned.

But GEE WHIZZ, missy! You would make the hottest Adam Ant on the planet! Certainly hotter than the man himself right now. I can barely contain myself at the thought of it. It almost (almost) makes me want to go to a hen party so that I can see you, and that doesn't often happen. The bit about the hen party, not about seeing you, of course! I can barely last a day...!

I thought your ability to whip a highwayman's oufit out of your armoire at a moment's notice might be slightly alarming, but in reality I am wholeheartedly delighted by it. And quite frankly it wouldn't have surprised me one bit if there was a tricorn and a piece nestling back there, you know, just in case!

But you must, you must, you must! And then I want photographic evidence.

How charming!

Fancy dress usually fills me with a kind of paralysing dread. Apart from the beaver outfit that The Head bought recently for B of BK fame's stag do, which I was just itching to get my hands on. I mean, it came with it's own reinforced tail for heaven's sake...what's not to love? But in general I LOATHE the very idea. Why can't we just go to a party looking, you know, hot?

BUT, it is one of my dearest friend's hen party soon, and so normal rules do not apply and I am happy to get into the spirit of the thing. The theme is 'musical legends'. I am dead set against any kind of dressing up in a sort of sexy way. You know, your Britneys, your Chers, the list goes on. It never works. One will always look a bit of a tit in these instances and I think it's best to embrace the silliness of it all that attempt to fight against it and ultimately lose...and in public too. Yeauch! So my first thought was do dress up as Beethoven. I fancied I might be able to pull off a pomandered hair piece nicely...but then I worried that it might be taking the theme a bit too far, and almost as bad as sexing it up is having to explain who you are for heaven's sake. So that's something I might shelve and revisit at another juncture (Angels, the saving grace whenever one may need to 'dress fancy' so such a wide range of Beethoven wigs it amazed me. Clearly I am not the trailblazer I first thought).

I'm fairy skintios so I had a trawl though my wardrobe and brilliantly, but also alarmingly, I appear to have every part of the outfit above. I am missing the hat and a musket, but apart from that I have EVERYTHING. Which after the excitement of only having to shell out about a tenner to complete the look worried me ever so slightly. I mean, is it a good thing that I evidently dress like a highwayman? Surely no?