Peep Show

(Image via Kurt Geiger)

I am off to a party on Friday night and I have bought a pretty filthy LBD to wear to it. It has elbow length sleeves and comes to just above the knee and doesn't really show too much except that it is incredibly fitted (read second skin) and it has strips of fabric and mesh so there is a suggestion of flesh underneath. In fact it is almost the perfect combination of demure and super slutty.

But what shoe?

I think these are pretty rocking. I have been somewhat obsessed with the thought of a peep toe ankle boot for sometime. Are they right or are they wrong? Will they push the outfit out into the wanton wilderness of Slutsville or are they just tough enough to pull the whole thing out of the bag?

Make A Clean Breast Of It

Boobs, cans, jugs, hooters, knockers, tatas, Bristols... There is no denying that we, the human species, are more than a little obsessed with the breast.

But it has to be said that boobs have to be the ultimate anatomical conundrum for women. You know, the part of the body more than any other (although thanks to J-Lo and Beyoncé the humble bottom might be coming a close second) that divides opinion and makes the owner think that the grass is greener, that whatever you have you'd rather the other.

I look at models with their scrawny boy-like chests and lack of hips and see how beautifully clothes hang off them and I have awful pangs of jealousy. And yet I know that many of my more demurely blessed sisters are completely bemused as to why I wouldn't want to show a little more flesh at every conceivable opportunity. To them a lovely pair could be nothing but a delightful bounty. And I agree, they are simply delicious in many ways, I'm not blind to their appeal, (they are right under my nose every time I look down, after all) but they are rather demanding.

They scream for attention in a way that I would never dream of doing (or am I just being coy?), they spread naughty rumours about the kind of girl I might be, they tease and coax and make promises that I might not want to keep.

But it has been suggested to me that flashing a little cleavage might not, in fact, be the same as making a pact with the devil, selling my soul down the river or resigning myself to a slutty fate. So why not? There must be a way to balance boobs with brains, flirtation with feistiness, so I will set myself a challenge to get 'em ahhht a bit more, and we'll see how we go...!

Aye Aye Captain

(Image via Lock & Co Hatters)

Can we invent a reason why I would absolutely, categorically, need to own this hat?

Ours is Not to Wonder Why

I've always really loved the imagery and illustrations from Alice in Wonderland and I adore Tim B, so the combination excites me quite a lot.



But I can't say I have ever looked to Miss. In Wonderland for fashion inspiration.



Admittedly she is utterly adorable. And as a slightly more mature slip of a thing in the film than in the book it isn't quite as paedo chic as copying the style of an actual child, but I still can't say that I really get it.

But I have seen a number of articles and blogs suggesting ways to recreate the look.



Call me cynical, but isn't that just what is known as cashing in? I mean, unless you were some delightful Japanese girl rocking an extreme look in Tokyo, who would actually want to dress like that?



On another note... isn't Miss. Wasikowska's hair beyond perfect? Hmmm, maybe I need a trim...

Happily Eva After

(Image via Go Fug Yourself)

This delightful thing is Eva Amurri, she is the daughter of Susan Sarandon, who rocks so hard and makes me love everything about her. Including her offspring, apparently. Because this might well be one of my favourite looks of the year so far. It is spring-like and youthful and combines neon and neutral which I always love and it seems that she might have stopped off on the way to do a spot of beachcombing and I love, love, love it.

So, erm, yes, that makes me happy.

Boobs!

(Image via Go Fug Yourself)

COR LUMMY! You don't get many of them to the pound!

But jokes aside, it actually makes me quite sad to see Miss Swank slutting it up at the Oscars, because a previous dress that she wore to the Oscars is one of my favourite dresses that anyone has ever worn to the Oscars.



And she seems to have fallen a loonnng way off the style ladder since then. Dude, you're successful, surely you've earned the right to be appreciated for other "talents". Na'am saaayin'?

I'm With The Band(age)

Holy mackerel! I escaped from the smoke for the weekend and found myself on a night out in Birmingham on Saturday night. And I realise just how sheltered I am. Coz even the trashiest girls in London would have their work cut out to compete with these Brummie beauties.

Honest to goodness, I had no idea! They made Essex girls look shy and retiring around the make up case. Their fashion mantra? The tighter and shorter the better.

Yowza!

And the clothing of choice? Other than the bizarre number of women dressed up as slutty nursery rhyme characters. The bandage dress.

Now, I have nothing against a bandage dress per se. I dreamed of going to my school leaver's ball in an Hervé Léger, which obviously didn't happen. And while I find them a bit ubiquitous with a very slender type of Hollywood starlet permanently ensconced in them, which is a bit tedious, I am quite a fan. I particularly liked the ones that Christopher Kane did a couple of years back.




But Vicks here has nothing on the proud ladies of the Midlands. Particularly the more generous ladies. Gosh, mystery is clearly a mythical beast around those parts. Good for them for feeling quite so confident, I guess. I'm not sure I've got anything like the same chutzpa.

Is It Spring, Chicken?

Do you feel it? Do you think it could really be happening? Is spring about to, well, you know, spring?

Walking about at lunch today it really felt as though it was. The snowdrops are out, and the eager green daffodil stems are impatiently biding their time before they can come into our lives and bring a little happiness along the way.

I am just aching to put away my winter coat and boots and enjoy the frivolities of spring fashions.

Now I just have to work out what I want the look to be. Squeal! Oh, the excitement!

Sleep On It

I am the kind of girl who likes to be comfortable in bed. I am not the kind of girl who feels the need to be overly sexualised. I am quite comfortable with my sexual self and feel absolutely no need to wear something saucy to bed in order to arouse my chosen guest.

I would never, ever wear something like this


(Image via La Senza)

In fact it absolutely horrifies me. Is it a joke, do you think? What rational woman would want to do this to themselves?

I probably come at the opposite end of the scale. I wear traditional pajama bottoms and a vest top. But I wonder if I would be happier wearing something ever so slightly prettier. Is there a middle ground between the two?

This is slightly more acceptable than the monstrosity above, but it is still too suggestive, don't you think?



And I think this is cute, but I'm not that girl. I know my limits.



But then is this just boring?


(Images via Figleaves)

Does it even matter if it will be coming off again anyway?

Tautou Good To Be True

(Image via Glamour magazine)

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!! I am so in love with Miss Tautou in this delicious Lanvin dress. She looks like a strawberry sundae. Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm!

I have been terminally underwhelmed by many of the dresses on show at the awards ceremonies this year but I think the ladies did themselves proud for the Baftas. So well done them.

But Auders definitely has to be the cherry on top of an already delightful fashion confection. I think I actually felt butterflies fluttering around my belly when I saw this. I am quite besotted.

Next to Nothing

My lovely friend Emma often shops in Next. I know. And yes. I do. But somehow, miraculously, she always looks great in what she wears from there. And a naughty, knowing twinkle appears in her eye when I squeal "Ooo, I like your skirt/top/trousers, etc.! Where is it/are they from?" And she hesitates. And I know it is coming. And I want to take back the compliment, but it is out there and there is nothing I can do except accept the truth as graciously as possible. Because the answer is: "It's from Next."

Dammit, I hate those words. I HATE THEM. Particularly if said item is super cute, and I would consider wearing it myself.

BUT IT IS FROM NEXT!!!! HOW CAN THIS BE???? YES, I KNOW I AM SHOUTING!!!!

And the worst thing is that I think she has ground me down. And I am holding you partly to blame too.

Because I saw this in a magazine:


(Image via Next)

And I really like it. (It was styled waaaay nicer than this.) And I want to go and buy it. I want to walk into the third circle of my personal hell, and purchase this item. I would obviously prefer not to have to do that, but I think I need it to be mine.

Today is a dark, dark day in my life. And I hold you both accountable. You have done this to me. Bitches!

Tit for Tat

What are your feelings on tattoos? Me? I love 'em. I find them super sexy on boys. I really do. If I see a bit of ink nestling cheekily under a cuff it makes something funny happen to my insides.

And they can be pretty rocking on girls too. I am thinking about getting another. And I like the style of this. It looks modern and pretty without being girly and stupid.

I'm feeling a strong urge to get inked up.

Pop Your Clogs

(Image via Haneli)

Clogs. Hmmmm. My mother was always a big fan. And at some stage during my teenage years they were huge. The brightly coloured, low heeled variety. I wanted them so bad, but it wasn't to be.

And now they seem to have grown up. They look almost elegant. And I am craving them once again.

Look how utterly delightful Miss C looks in hers.

But they are silly, aren't they? I shouldn't covet them at all.

Particularly this pair, which are actually quite ugly.


(Image via Kurt Geiger)

But I do.

Mommie Dearest

Yowza! Look at all that colour! I am so excited about you rocking out a cross between Ms. Zoe and Stifler's mom. I can barely contain myself. And it might even compete with my favourite summer look of yours, the white jean and coral nail Eurotrash thing you had going on a few years ago.

My nasty bitch thing is merely a mid-season blip and I will be back to being a nice girl come spring with floaty, girly dresses in neutral shades and my new trench with white broderie anglaise.

Make it happen, doll face! I want to see that going awn!

Pool Rules

I know you're going all bad girl with your skinnies and your tees and what not...

Via Jules Reid

...I'm going for Rachel Zoe meets Stiffler's Mom at a gin soaked pool party myself. 

I need to look like this.  NEED.