How on earth has this happened?

Marisa, you naughty little minx! You've only made me have to admit that there is an item of clothing in this world with a pesky Versace label tacked into it that I actually like. And not just that. Oh, no! I (whisper it) love it! It was my highlight of the night. It is just so foldy and sharp and twisty and drapey. And the colour is oh so intriguing. It manages to be avant garde with the origami shapes and yet terribly pretty. It is part Tilda Swinton and part Penelope Cruz. Which just smacks of a good thing to me.
What say you?

We are a bit rubbish

We are four days behind but shall we select our best and worst and just pretend that it's Monday?

Why the long face?

My attention wandered whilst penning that last post (as you may have noticed as it took me about 4 hours to slap that last one up). Whilst there I saw this frock

If you look at it long enough, like one of those Magic Eye pictures from our youth, it actually starts to look like a sad face. What a heinous waste of fabric.

A Question of Sport

So, a cropped sleeve pastel parka you say? Interesting. You expect me to disapprove? I DON'T! I love it. Jane Fonda on the other hand I DO NOT love. Can't bear her in fact. Feed me a couple of glasses of fizz this weeekend, drop her into the convo and sit back and watch me go. However, it's a fact that she gave good outfit in the early years and in general, I am a fan of a bit of sportswear. Not on me. I look ridiculous in anything vaguely sport orientated (perhaps a paranoia hangover from the horror that was gym class) but I can appreciate it on others and that includes you honey pie. Get this high rent pac a mac if you haven't already. It will look amazing with the new hair and you know, I think it could even work with a heel.

So whilst I have been M.I.A I have been filling my time with some prolific reading. A fair few novels, massive (and costly) consumption of vacuous glossies and daily perusal of style.com. Sportswear is going to be big again isn't it? I spotted some stuff from Brian Reyes' SS09 collection on there and I just adore it. This little outfit makes me feel squeaky clean and wholesome just by looking at it. I would only go for the upper half of the ensemble for myself, the population of Trafalgar Square doesn't need to have my bottom unleashed upon them that's for sure. But isn't the top bit exquisite? I am in lust with the jacket in partic.

What I am horrified by though are things like this:

I really don't get the 'genius' of Stella McCartney at all. And the collaboration with Adidas only works to make this kind of get up more accessible! Yikes! The over sized playsuit immediately made me of Blanche from The Golden Girls. In fact look! And then spot the difference! I can't even imagine Gwyneth making that thing work.

The Return of the M(e)ack

As the troublesome rogue that is Mark Morrison once wrote:

Return of the Mack,

It is,

Return of the Mack,

Come on,Return of the Mack,

Oh, my god,

You know that I'll be back

Here I am.

Return of the Mack,

Once again,

Return of the Mack,

Top of the world,

Return of the Mack,

Watch my flow,

You know that I'll be back,

Here I go.

Mr Morrison has quite a way with words doesn't he. And it seems as though he'd like us to get on and discuss your choice of outerwear also, so I'll step to it. Prepare yourself to 'watch my flow', as it were.

Forgive me!

I feel as though I must have offended you on a deep and profound level. Every time I open our charming little blog your lack of a response slaps me sharply round the face like a reproach. And leaves an ugly red blemish on my soul.

Was it the tasteless yellow parka? Did I go a step too far down the nasty path of hideous but fabulous, so you were concerned I might never find the way back to Chic-ville?

Was it the terrible pun headline? Even at the time I thought it might be a little foolish, but now I positively shudder every time I read it, feeling your judgement bearing down on me.

How can I win you back? Will you ever trust my taste again? Please tell me there is something I can do! PLEASE!!!!

Parka-life

I am inexplicably drawn to this. Am I wrong?

Maybe I am just looking to fill the gap in my life left by the long overdue binning of my perfect, but ravaged, pink mac.

I know, I know...

...we shouldn't look to a woman who makes accessories OUT OF HER OWN HAIR for sartorial guidance. That giddy little bow she keeps teasing her mane in to is both bizarre and intriguing. I mean, I'm known to be liberal with the hairspray but surely you'd need something mega industrial to fix that baby in place and how much backcombing? BUT. I keep seeing this picture and I love this skirt so much. I love the colour and the shineyness and the length and everything. If that was made in something a little more real-life-friendly I would be after one for sure. I might not team it with a rubber bra and head corsage but I would want one all the same.

I also love her Donatella tan. Hhahahaha, I DOOOOO! Serious!

I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

Oh my darling! Behold this little treat that has just been delivered to my desk! I think it might be love!

But what's that, pretty little thing? What's that you say? Oh, speak up, do, let me here the inherent wisdom nestling amongst your silky blue sleeves! I must know what you have to say.

Shoes, you ask! What possible little treat could adorn my feet that would live up to your unabashed glory? What a terribly good question! And how sweet of you to consider it, little dress, you are truly kind as well as beautiful! I will ask my good friend Mrs. Rowan, for she will undoubtedly have the question ready at her finger tips.

Won't she!

Tsk, tsk, tsk!

Oh Jil, I thought better of you. What a shame that you have let yourself down so unreservedly.

Those shoes look as though someone with a perfectly nice, if slightly conservative black shoe, has fallen foot-long into inconveniently positioned wet cement laid without a second thought to erecting a warning sign. Then, after being agressively impeded from removing it until set hard for some reason, a kind passer by volunteers his services with some sort of heavy duty power tool (I am assuming here that ear defenders would be an obligatory part of the ensuing mayhem) leaving sharp, clunky hunks of cement at the bottom of the poor woman's pegs. Bereft by the hideous state of her shoes she knows she must leave her former life behind her, realising that the only option now open to her is to start an all female Kraftwerk tribute band by setting a similarly cementy trap for other poor unfortunates.

I'm guessing that isn't what actually happened. Maybe poor Jil just fell and hit her head. Badly.

Is the Ugly Shoe this seasons frock/top/coat with a valance? I am beginning to suspect it might well be. This shoe offended me this morning. They remind me of Nicholas Lyndhurst in an ill fitting suit. All angles at the top and excessive and unnecessary volume at the bottom. I mean LOOK at them. Naughty Jill Sander for thinking they were a good idea.

Ugliest items of 2009 - part 2

Oooh! I think you might be right. It is like shooting fish in a barrel finding the ugly items, isn't it?

Here is a case in point with these monstrosities. Thanks to Miss Annie Keddie for pointing them out.

21 Jump Street

I mean, yeah...I'm being all 21 Jump Street man! But the truth is I've never even seen that show. I just know that Johnny Depp was in it and it ran at the time that Just Seventeen was my bible. And I liked those times. Such innocent, sweet times where you could while away hours listening to The Joshua Treet by candlelight whilst plotting how to get your mate to dump her boyf so that he was free for you to hook up with him at the next school disco. That was just me? Yikes! Let's never speak of this again and instead let's turn our attention to Johnny's Adam's apple. I am really aware of it in that picture. I can't recall being THAT aware of his throat mechanics before, have you?

Anyhoo! I love that jumpsuit/pantsuit gorgeousness. Is the leg long and shoe covering? This is an academic question really Kerrkins as I know you wouldn't opt for a flapping pant hem, but I just think it's worth pointing out that these things only seem work if the pants are floor skimming. And the shoes you plan to wear are killer. I secretly covet them. I would go for something really brash and foul for the jewellery, you're right. Am I becoming tediously predictable? I do hope not. But then perhaps a pearl might be more sensible. Anything too fug jewel wise could make you look a bit too costumey in a superhero kind of way and although you'd be a really hot superhero, it's not a look one would intentionally go for is it? No do pearls. Bravo though I love it. I have no idea what a hat party is but no matter. Does it do exactly what it says on the tin?

Ugliest items of 2009 - part 1

I would like to propose the start of a regular item that we can compile over the year. The most hideous items that we spy with our little eyes that cannot, and will not, go without judgement.

To start us off as we mean to go on, I present the Yves Saint Laurent caged boot.

There are no words. Honestly. Not a sausage.

To jump or not to jump...?

Darling, I must know your thoughts on this immediately. Yes, I know it is a jumpsuit, a terrifying word liable to make the most adventurous of ladies break out in a cold sweat, and I know it is satin, which will similarly distress all those not adverse to a snack or two, but I think it is utterly Busby Berkeley fabulous.

I am attending a hat party in a couple of weeks, and I have the most sublime little feathered, be-veiled concoction that I want to wear. I think a hat like that cries out wantonly for a costumey outfit to accompany it, and I think I might have hit the jackpot with this. I would wear it with those ludicrous heels that I bought for my sister's wedding before I succumbed to the Miu Mius, and probably a couple of ropes of pearls around the wrists, although I imagine you would advise something nastier on the jewellery front. And then naturally the smokiest eye known to humanity, darker even than my blackest mood on a dark day in February.

So spill. But before you do so I should warn you that I have already bought it (although the tags are still on) and I have just eaten something for lunch with the word SUPERFOOD in the title (oh the horror!), in an effort to look slightly more fabulous in it, so temper your comments accordingly if you would.