We Are Knot Amused

Please can someone reassure me that macramé isn't going to become fashionable again? I don't think I could take it.

Oh, so ugly.

(Images via Asos, River Island)

Heads Up

It is just over a week until I will be jetting off to South Africa. Yay!

And it is going to be hot there.

And English Rose that I am I am likely to burn to a crisp within about two minutes.

So what I need is a jaunty chapeau to keep the glare from my porcelain skin.

As seems to be so often the case the main option is the trilby. I was about to go for this lovely one below from NW3 but I thought I would pop into Jigsaw on the off chance. And luck was on my side, because my fashion guardian angel whipped a few of last season's treats and a very reduced straw trilby was mine.

It is quite plain though, so I think I will find some pretty ribbon or a silk scarf to spruce it up a little.

(Images via Asos, Hobbs, River Island)

Knitty-Gritty

Would someone mind telling me why exactly I find this outfit so charming? If I were to wear it I would no doubt look like a children's tv presenter. Which as any grown woman will know (except perhaps the lovely Floella Benjamin) is not especially desirable.

(Images via Asos)

But the colour, shape and pattern are adorable.

Can I get some votes? I'm thinking with black opaques, the biker boots and the parka. Cute or certifiable?

Top of the Pops

And if I am going to be wearing trousers more often I'll just have to have more tops. Obviously.

Nothing too tight or to garish.

That I can look smart enough in but that are also comfortable.

And nothing too fitted.

These are some of my thoughts.

This could work, right?

(Images via Asos, Topshop)

Unitardy

Can anyone tell me in what context these hideous wet look unitards would be desirable?

Except, you know, as an instrument of torture?

I seriously don't understand what situation would ever cause you to think "awesome, I'll whip out the most unflattering item of clothing in the world to wear to Aunt Bea's bingo night/my annual public ritual humiliation".

(Images via Asos)

This girl is very slim and still looks as though she has come down with a terrible case of back fat. I don;t think I have ever encountered a more discrimanatory item of clothing. And, so that I can feel better, I will happily judge anyone I see wearing one. But I have true faith that I never ever will. Women aren't complete sadists, surely.

Fisticuff

(Image via Asos)

OK, people, you have to help me out here.

What exactly is going on in this picture?

a) A small lizard is nestling on her ear.

b) She is appearing in a fashionable remake of Star Trek.

c) Swarovski has started making blue tooth headsets.

d) She is attempting to hawk a really hideous ear cuff, quite possibly the nastiest piece of jewellery I have ever seen.


Oh, and where have I seen this girl before? Was she on Britain's Next Top Model? I always find it disoncerting when you see people from modelling shows actually, you know, modelling. It just doesn't seem right some how.

Get the Hang of It

I saw a girl this morning with enormous black tassel earrings. They were awesome.

(Images via Asos)

Now I want a pair.

Lo-han Behold

JESUS H CHRIST! I think I have found singularly the least desirable item ever created.



And as if my eyes weren't proof enough of that, the lovely people at Asos have added a few words to deter those who might, for one brief second, have thought they maybe needed this monstrosity in their lives:

"Latex bodice catsuit as seen on Lindsay Lohan."


(Images via Asos)

The prosecution rests.

The Cat's Pajamas

It has to be said that it is a rare thing indeed to be inspired to write a CONC post while residing in the kitchen at work (I work in an investment bank, it's just a lot of ill fitting suits secured over expanding waists and yawnsomely boring ties). And while I am conscious that I am falling into a markerters trap, I found, while rummaging around in the drinks fridge, the Diet Coke/Asos pink leopard print cans and they are awesome!

Having always been a drink very definitely catering to a female audience I have never felt spoken to by their advertising.



Right?!



And the Duffy adverts were possibly the most revolting thing I have ever, ever seen.

But a little bit of pink leopard print...? And I'm in!

Not that I will drink the stuff, though, coz it still tastes like arse.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

(Image via Asos)

Is this skirt adorable or nuts?

The Cat's Miaow

(Image via Handbag.com)

Who, in their right mind, would want to sling this about their person?

Who?

Can someone explain this to me?

Knit Picking

Dude, you could fly to Norway and pick something up from there for less. Asos: SORT IT OUT! It is adorable, though.

Bada-Bing Bada-Boom!

(Image via Asos)

I could never get away with having this slung nonchalantly over my shoulder. (Although it would give me a kick to be l'il miss coporate with a boom box bag.) But honestly, its like denim, and sportwear. JUST NOT ME. It doesn't stop me from loving it, though. I reckon you could rock it. You know, accessorise it with big hair and a sneer. Oh yeah! How about it? Just for me?

Animal Magic

I did it!

I'm so excited!

I found the ugliest damn t shirts on the face of the planet!

And now I have just one thing to do.

(Images via Asos)

Ask who the hell in their right mind would want to wear them.

Coz personally I am like, totally stumped. You know?

Isn't there already enough suffering in the world?

(Images via asos.com)

I ask you!

I take my hat off to you, Mr. Jacobs!

(Images via style.com)

I think this little boater is delightful. As soon as I saw it I wondered on a scale of one to certifiable how crazy I would look if I floated about town with one perched up top.

Then I saw one. Not the original, but one that has been "inspired" by it, and now I think I would probably look like Mary Poppins. Darn it! I can deal with crazy, but not with Julie Andrews.

(Image via asos.com)

Cut the crop

(Image via asos.com)

What with ripped and stonewashed denim, shoulder pads and harem pants it seems that the 80s are really having their day. (Again.) While I could discuss this until the cows realised that the grass on the other side of the fence was not greener and that maybe they were already on to a good thing and decided to wend their way home, there is one item that I don't really feel is open to discussion. I love the harem pant, you are enamoured of the ripped denim and I feel a properly sculptural jacket with exaggerated shoulders could well have its charms. But the crop top? No, surely. Who in their right mind would wear it?

Particularly when the most famous crop top wearer is so infamous and indomitable. Yes, I am talking Kelly LeBrock. And I am talking Weird Science.

Behold!

It is a terrible trend, nearly everyone on the planet is worth more than that and quite frankly no one is ever going to stand up to questioning against Miss LeB. So let's just not, shall we?