The Grinch Who Stole Summer

Stay back! I'm warning you. I'm in a vile mood.

It is totally unrelated to the summer. But summer fashions have been seriously getting my goat today and I'm afraid you will have to listen to me rant.

Gripe No. 1: Slingbacks

Slingbacks that don't stay on your feet. Straps determined to hang out under rather than around your foot and fly off when you are trying to dart into the traffic. Gah!

Gripe No. 2: Bikinis under dresses

No, you are not Rihanna. No, you are not on the beach. No, you will never be a friend of mine.

Gripe No. 3: Maxi dresses

Is there anything worse than something that you used to love being so overplayed that you just can't bear to look at it anymore? I give you the maxi dress. Summer dressing by numbers and really really boring now.

So, have I ruined your day? Have I put you in a funk? Have I made you realise that you hate something too? Please feel free to share, I will listen in thanks for you putting up with me.

Awfully sorry, hopefully it will be business as usual tomorrow...

In the Swim

Oh my days! Isn't this swimsuit by Zimmerman gorgeous? The antithesis of the mystery free zones of the cut out swimsuit or bikini. Elegant, classy and pretty. I want it. Bad.

(Images via Net a Porter)

Life's a Beach

(Image via Debenhams)

Oh cripes! There is nothing like getting down into your delicates under the glare of fitting room strip lighting to make you feel good about the prospect of swimwear. But in a couple of weeks' time I will be in South Africa at a B&B with a pool and I will need to bite the bullet and reveal nearly all, and sadly rather more than I revealed the last time I was in a swimsuit. Fortunately this heavenly tankini by Beach by Melissa Odabash for Debenhams will soften the blow. In fact, I'm nearly looking forward to it. Nearly.

Like a Fool to his (Sea)Folly

I need a swimsuit and I like the idea of something that will keep me reasonably covered up but still stylish. I think these by Seafolly are right up my street.

(Images via Figleaves, Asos, Surfdome)

In the Swim

I am a girl who does whatever she can to avoid getting into a swimsuit. I can just about bear it when I go for a swim at the gym but really that's wear I draw the line.

And a bikini is just not something that happens. Ever.

Even when I was in Bali I wore shorts over my swimmers. And generally I avoid beach holidays. I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't like spending their holiday relaxing on a beach or by a pool. Please don't judge me.

So when one of my closest friends told me she was getting married I squealed with joy.

And when she told me she was having her bachelorette in Vegas (American girls don't know what the hell a hen do is) I got excited.

But when she uttered the words "I just want to hang out by the pool with my girlfriends" my heart sank.

Oh dear lord. In late April I am going to have to be in a fit physical state to get myself into a swimsuit.

So that's enough time, right? If I start now and forget about eating anything too naughty over Christmas (which I fear might not happen).

I don't need to be a stick or anything, but just quite a lot less jiggly. It doesn't help that I am the colour of skimmed milk.

But if I manage it I think I might treat myself to a lovely swimsuit (I can't even think of a bikini). And hopefully that will provide some inspiration too.

(Images via Net a Porter)

Wish me luck. Eeek!

Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer Do

Oh, isn't Daisy Lowe just an utter, utter confection?



She and her curves make the thought of braving the world in my swimmers marginally less terrifying.



What is terrifying, however, is that the swimwear she has designed might nearly get me to go and look in Peacocks.


(Via Daily Telegraph)

But don't worry, I'll go and lie in a darkened room for a while and I'm sure the urge will pass.

Bikini Kill

(Via Figleaves)

The only opportunity on the horizon for me to get to the beach this year is Cornwall in June, where I'll probably need waterproofs rather than a bikini. But if I had more glamourous destinations in my sights I would definitely want one of these two bikinis.



They are super cute, and I love the colour of this one.


(Via Rigby & Peller)

And most of all they look like they could successfully house (and keep housed) a generous bosom. Yay!

I hate how difficult it is to find pretty swimwear for the well endowed. You'd think there would be more on the market considering the number of silicone enhanced beauties who seem to live in swimwear around the world.

Bikini Kill

Holy mackerel! How did I not know that this existed in the world? It is beyond awesome! Tacksville, Ohio! Glorious!


(Via River Island)

Sink or Swim

Oh! If only it were summer. And as you know that is not a sentiment I often express. But how cute are these cossies?








(Via Geekologie)

Sink or Swim

Have I ever banged on about how much I love Eva Green?

I expect I have, I am slightly obsessed. She is just so very pretty. And edgy. And awfully pretty.



Well, while I have never been inspired to copy her penchant for the birds nest hairstyle another love of hers is the plain black swimsuit and that seems to be growing on me.

I've always felt that the plain black swimsuit is just shorthand for "I hate my body, please don't look at me." You know? But when an incredibly hot actress with a perfect figure rocks one, and rocks one haaaard it makes me think that there might be more to it than hiding the less than perfect bits.



In an age when women's bodies are so accessible covering up a little seems a little more tasteful and alluring. Don't you think?

I love this retro style with the low legs. It is so elegant and glamourous. But with my legs already being on the slightly demure side lengthwise I probably don't need to crop them further.



But this suit is kinda cute, don't you think?




And I'm really into this one, although I'm slightly concerned that I might fall out of it, and then the mystery is all shot to hell.


(Images via Figleaves)

But if you do have a less than perfect, waxed and toned and tanned physique are you still just going to look as if you are trying to hide it away?

Yowza!

I am so in love with the pink swimsuit. What a shame you can't remember where it is from, you would be a poolside vixen in that get up.

And the cut out one? Lordy! You wouldn't be able to escape The Head's clutches.

I think you would look just darling in this:

However it is from Agent Provocateur, so it is possibly a little on the pricey side. The sizing would work though, they definitely cater to the more diminutively blessed.

(Images via Agent Provocateur)

I am sure you could find something frilly that would work for you. I really like the thought of you in the guise of a pin up girl with a head scarf and cat's eye shades. CUTE!!

...Had Me A Blast

Whoop whoop! Kerrina is getting summery! Mega. I like the bathing suits a LOT. I spotted this one a while ago and fell in love with it, but can't for the life of me recall which site it was from now, damn it.I have been thinking about swimwear for a few weeks now, as I plan our (at the time of going to press, still mythical) summer holiday. I am more than happy to break out a bit of colour in abroadsville and I love a bikini so I tend to go a bit overboard when shopping before I head off. I have been wondering if those high waisted, ruffled jobs might make me look a wee bit more curvaceous as I concentrate on lying by the pool, allowing The Head to feed me iced grapes and fetch me margaritas when I click my fingers, lift a brow or give some other subtle command.

(Image via New Look)

But they don't seem to do that style in my size. Does that mean someone has decided that it wouldn't look so good because I am smaller of bosom? I would like to try for myself thank you very much New Look. Annoying! They won't sell me a ruffley bikini but they are trying to sell me this:

(Image via New Look)

Vom. It. Ous. For the love of God. I want to go and visit anyone who has bought this, make them a cup of sweet tea and ask them why they insist on punishing themselves when there are other, more flattering kaftan's to be had. Heavens!

(Image via Net a Porter)

I also like the idea of a cut away swimsuit. But Gawd! Think of the tan lines babes!

Here is another picture of a happy looking lady in summery wear. She appears to be rolling about like an animal with short legs that can't right itself when it has somehow found itself on it's back, but I think she's OK and she's just actually rolling for fun.

(Image via SFGirlbyBay)