If you look anything like this... I don't care I just love you more!

I just say go with it. Be proud and tease your hair some more! Tassles and ruffles and huge hair are good enough for this Amazon among women so they should be good enough for you.

And remember, loving you's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it!

When is too fug?

What are your fugly limits when it comes to jewellery? I was in To'sho yesterday and it was fug heaven. It is all so garish and gaudy and Tacksville, Ohio! I honestly couldn't love it any more if I tried.

There is nothing like a bit of tat to pep up an outfit that is marginally too serious or tasteful, in my mind. And I have a sneaking suspicion that you agree.

But what of this little treat? Is it not a bit too sci-fi? Is that a planet swathed in diamante rings from a solar system infinitely more glamourous than our own? Or is it an elaborate version of the children's game of catching a ball in a cup? Would it disable the neigbouring fingers? Would it encourage your levels of aggression just so you could see if it truly was the most delightful knuckle duster you had ever laid eyes on? Does it even deserve all this attention?

I am all Q's and no A's.

Oh! The shame!

Morning Kerr. Shall I tell you what has happened? I have only come to work looking like a gothed up Liberace, that's what. I was a little dopey this morning and confused about what to wear. I had planned on a little dress and pumps, but I tell you what, after a few days of pump wearing my heels are SORE! I'm not sure what to do to stop the soreness (which manifests as a sort of bruised-ish feeling) but that's a whole other issue. I put on a ruffled sleeveless sheer blouse. Wow, even explaining it is tiring let alone looking at it. Anyway. I have that on along with my newly dyed skinnies (credit crunch tastic!). Alone that would have been fine but THEN I pulled on the fringed boots. I am all ruffle, from the front, from the side and then my hair is enormous and looks ruffled from behind...and oh my God...it's just a whole lotta look. What a fool! I'll take a photograph tonight for your amusement.

Madam Kerr...a variant on the Le Smoking? I am all for it. I am so bored by the frocks in the shops at the moment. All these jewel colours and double layered skirts, it's all a bit girlbandy for my liking. Much better to get the boobies and the waist working and house yourself elegantly in a high waisted trouser. I was going to go for that look at the last wedding I went to, but alas I am terribly short waisted and I looked as though I was sporting an underboob bandage so I acquiesced, and made do with a frock instead.

So. Yes, go go go. But! I do think you need to apply caution with the top. I think this is where it can all fall down and frumpiness can get it's Ecco shoe shod foot in the door. As I had, oooh, hours to spare this morning I have found a nice goldish coloured top in Principles which might work nicely as well as an alternative, one shouldered slightly ruffled top from Topshop. I fear white might encourage fellow guests to gaze at you imploringly as they wonder what time the canapes get served whereas a different shade might shout 'PARTY' a little louder (whilst still not yelling it.)

I think the jewellery should be discreetly rock and roll (surprise!) also to harden it up a little. Fugly even. There is a fairly fug bracelet in Accessorise which is all ropey and weird which would be fabulous. I LOVE the idea of a slightly dishevelled chignon and a smoky eye. I imagine you will look DIVINE Kerr.

P.S. I bought the wetlook legging last week and tried them on on Saturday. I looked positively INDECENT. The Head commented that I looked "like I was off to some select party - probably held in someones dungeon" and then he tried to grope me. They are going back. It's not a look I can get away with day to day. I think if I had cool edgy hair it would all be fine, but as is, I have enormous girl hair and it is definitely not fine.

Don't want to be all mouth and no trousers...

HT, what are your thoughts on a trouser for a black tie do?

Specifically, a terribly high waisted wide-legged black trouser paired with a (as yet merely imagined) white satin top, the highest of heels, a slouchy chignon, some excrutiatingly tasteful jewellery, my beaded clutch and the smokiest of eyes.

It is my work Christmas party and I want to come across as intelligent, beautiful and entirely unavailable. All the women will be wearing dresses, and I imagine that there might be tits that are not properly housed. I also imagine that there will be shenanigans which I want to avoid. So I am aiming for achingly elegant, effortlessly fabulous and above that sort of behaviour. But I want to avoid feeling underdressed/frumpy.

Advice please!

Live the dream!

You might be surprised to hear, Mrs. Rowan, that I have a dirty crush on the wet look legging. It is one of those items of clothing that I adore, going against all reason and indeed my better judgement, until the moment that I convince myself that I might just be able to get away with it and guility and shamefacedly take said item to the fitting room. At which point my dreams and aspirations are dashed as reason comes rushing back to slap me in the face and I weep quietly and vow never again to lust after the damned thing.

Except that I think the wetlook is even more extreme than most difficult items, and not to be considered in any way by those generous of thigh.

So, live the dream for me, and to hell with any suggestion that your legs might look better suited attached to the side of a house (which I don't think would be the case anyway).

In terms of the shoe I am generally in favour of a Stevie Nicks tribute, (isn't everyone?!) but I don't think a fringed boot would work. That legging is far too much of a nasty bitch to put up with a tassle, plus I think you need to flash a bit of flesh down there. So I would like to propose the caged shoe.

But please, please buy it. If ever there was the perfect item for your glam goth look that is it.

HT, in the library, with the drain piping?

Kerr, what are our thoughts on the wetlook legging? I am inexplicably drawn, despite the possibility of a sagging knee region and the fact that with my little leglets, my lower limbs could well end up looking like sections of newly polished exterior piping. And the shoe bothers me. A heeled glad would work perhaps? But in this this climate a bare toe is likely to drop off. A fringed boot is the alternative but I think I might look too 80's Stevie Nicksish. But then is THAT such a bad thing? And is something that is wipe clean worth so much consideration in the first place? So many questions.